I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!





Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Here we go?

This is a TMI blog. Just a FYI for those that didn't know.

I went to the bathroom today and notice a tinge of blood on the tissue. Uh oh...here we go. Could this be my period sneaking up?!? Okay, well, not really sneaking. I have been feeling it. Just wasn't sure when it would make it's arrival.

When I went to the OB the other day for my follow-up to the D&E/C, she noticed a "cyst" on my left ovary. Most likely a follicular cyst. Seriously, do NOT say cyst to a woman who is used to seeing an endometrioma on the other side. I really almost vomited on her. ANYWAY...it was looking about "that size" to be releasing and starting all the "fun" it brings. Don't even get me started on how much it SUCKED to look at the ultrasound pics SANS my wonderful baby boy. How much it SUCKED to be discussing how wonderful the lining of my uterus looked and how good that follicle size was. F*CK that follicle. I shouldn't even be discussing these things at this point. This is a an entirely separate post in itself...so, I'll stop.

At any rate, bracing myself for my period and all the pain (emotionally and physically) this will bring me. Kinda hoping it'd go ahead and come so I can deal with it this week while I'm still not at work. So I don't go crazy psycho beotch on some inocent co-worker. Guess that's why the OB insisted I stay out one more week. Definitely thankful for that.

Have I mentioned how much I hate this? I truly hate this. WHY am I "here" again so soon? I miss my Wyatt!

13 comments:

Nic said...

I am sorry you are getting your period. U have dealt with so much already. It's good u have one more week off, please take as much time as u need.
My heart was aching for u reading this post. U shouldn't be discussing ur lining etc now, I am so sorry.
Big hugs x

Nic said...

I am sorry you are getting your period. U have dealt with so much already. It's good u have one more week off, please take as much time as u need.
My heart was aching for u reading this post. U shouldn't be discussing ur lining etc now, I am so sorry.
Big hugs x

Yaya said...

Oh hon, I'm sorry. While I never had a loss as far along as you, I do remember that feeling of getting my first period after a loss and it SUCKS. It's yet one more reminder that your baby is gone. It's not fair. You should be getting your period, you should be pregnant. I hate that you are going through this. My heart just breaks for you.
(((hugs)))

Lisa said...

I wish so badly that you weren't going through all of this, and I hope AF comes and goes quickly. Take care!

Jennifer said...

I'm so sorry. It all just seems too much to bear and really sucks. I'm sending big hugs and loving thoughts your way.

Kate said...

So sorry you're going through this and at this particular time of year too. Life just is bloody hard sometimes.

AnnaMarie said...

(((HUGS)))

That first postpartum period without a living baby SUCKS! (Just realized that Yaya already said that but I can't think of another way to say it that doesn't involve obscenities)

Do take care of yourself during this difficult time when you are confronted with another physical reminder that Wyatt is not in your womb as he should be.

I'm so sorry this is how it is for you.

K said...

Just de-lurking to say I hope 2010 brings you peace and joy...in whatever form that may come.

katery said...

i'm so sorry, i wish i could give you a big hug :(

Erika said...

Ugh, I'm SO sorry! Big hugs!

Jeanne said...

Allison,

I'm so sorry. :( You have a right to be angry. I wish I had some magic words to make you feel better but I know I don't. I'm thinking of you!

Jeanne

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL said...

I found your blog via ICLW and commented on your last post. Wanted to let you know that I was truly moved by your Christmas card and included a link to your blog today when mentioning it in my post. Please let me know if you'd like me to remove the link.

And THANK YOU...the candidness and openness you share has helped me get through a struggle I was dealing with. Hugs!

Linsley said...

Just thinking of you. Hoping that there are more and more good moments to your days.