I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Fa-la-la-la-laaaaa, la-la-la-laaaaaa

Here's our attempt at being festive ;)

Wyatt has several ornaments on the tree, which makes us smile
(and obviously sad as well)

I am not really in the mood to be festive, but, at the same time...it's who I am. I'm ALWAYS the festive one. We broke down and bought this small tree. I'm so glad we did. We got to hang some ornaments we got in Wyatt's memory from friends (including some of my blogging friends!). They are our most cherished right now for sure!

We also got some new furniture delivered today. We found it several months ago but decided to hold off because of all the things we knew we needed for the baby. Well, since our loss, we decided why NOT! We got a good deal the day after Thanksgiving and they delivered it today. I call it my consolation "prize".

Sleep is still a funny thing, but, last night I finally got a good portion of it! I got some anti-anxiety meds from the OB the other day and it definitely helped. I've taken these meds before a few years back. So, we'll see how they work. Still going from doing okay one second to bawling the next. Gotta love these hormones!

One last note. Don't try to go get a "sassy" new 'do when you are depressed. Cause, no matter what it really looks like, you'll inevitably hate it ;) I'm trying to embrace it...but, it's just not what I was expecting! Oh well.


Jeanne said...


As I said on Facebook, I do think your haircut looks sassy like you said you wanted (whether you can see it or not). :)

I'm glad you guys got a tree and some furniture. I'm glad that you have some special decorations on the tree too.

I'm sorry you've been having trouble sleeping. I know how tough insomnia can be. I'm glad it is getting better.

Sorry your hormones are running amok.

One last note. Your "sassy" new 'do looks very pretty on you. As you said, your mood may be influencing how you perceive it.

I'm sorry it wasn't what you were expecting. Maybe it'll "grow on you". Get it? GROW on you? Sorry. I couldn't resist. I'm hoping that my silly joke will make you smile.


Anonymous said...

Hy. Just want to let you know that I am still following you here. Always praying for you and your family. I know this internet social network seems unreal but I am stuck here with you and checking to see how you are doing. I think it is very important how you are respecting this moment in your life and allowing yourself to grieve and heal. We don't allow ourselves to do this anymore and them we never truly heal. God bless your family.
Thank you for sharing you life.

Amanda and Tim said...

Your tree looks lovely, especially with the special ornaments on it *hug*

Glad you got a good deal on the furniture, but more glad you're managing to get some sleep now.

And your hair looks lovely, even if you don't feel that way xx

Anonymous said...

ooooooo, i want new furniture soooooooo baaaaad, i daydream about it!

Heather said...

I'm so amazed at the strength you have. I had an early miscarriage a few weeks ago and can't even get motivated to put my tree up. I need to follow your lead.

Glad to hear the sleep is getting better. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.

Kate said...

I actually thought your hair looked great in the photo. You both sure put a good face on it. At least it's healthy to mourn your loss while still trying to find some things in life that lift you up. You are both very strong!

Barefoot said...

I think your haircut looks great, even if you don't. :) Glad to hear that you're keeping busy and hopefully a little distracted.

ReadyGo said...

I'm in tears right now. I wish I had been blogging to see how you were doing. I can't even imagine. I'm sorry I wasn't here to talk to you, you're such a strong woman.

I'm glad that you got some sleep and I hope you continue to find peace in the little things.

Please know that I'm here now. You're an inspiration to me, and it might be crazy...but I realize that I've missed you! :)

Thank you for the note. I'm going to stop crying now because I'm at work and people are watching me...but my heart really broke for you as I was reading.

God bless you and your family. And keep playing with your new hair-do...you might find something really fun you can do with it. I just always like how healthy my hair feels after a sassy cut... ;)

Christa said...

I think your hair looks awesome, it really frames your face nicely. Also I'm so happy to see my Wings on your tree! My due date for Zachary was Christmas, so I remember how much I dreaded putting up my tree. But what got me through was the fact that I had a special ornament made up to honor him. So every time I looked at my tree I thought of him, and how happy he would be to know I haven't forgotten him. Although it made me cry ALOT, it also made me happy. I know it wasn't easy for you to put up your tree, but Wyatt must surely be proud of you.

Christa said...

Great picture. I'm sorry you are having so much anxiety. You are a lot stronger than I though. 10 times over. Thinking about you a lot!