I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Quack Attack!

I am part of a local online "mommies" group. I joined when I got pregnant to meet other moms in the area and to learn everything baby related in the area that I could! When we lost Wyatt, I was directed to a private chat board they have for infant loss/grief support. I post on these boards from time to time and the women I've "met" have been great to bounce off of with my grieving frustrations.

Today, we were quacked by the group! For the a local charity duck "race" coming up soon (for an organization that provides counseling to those who have lost babies, children or for children that have lost loved ones), the online group is having members donate to have other members "quacked" as you see below.

The ducks really made our day and was a wonderful thing to walk out to this AM!!! They are SO cute...little halo's and little white wings. The lone duck on the step is in honor of Wyatt. I get to keep him! In a few days our quackers will be gone and on to another unsuspecting Mommy! :)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Complementary Treatments

So, today I scheduled an appointment for acupuncture. I finally bit the bullet. I don't know what I'm so scared of. I've only heard wonderful things. The acupuncturist I spoke with today sounds great. My RE recommended him and it looks like he's done his homework.

Focus on regulating hormones with the kidney and liver? There was a bit of a language barrier, so, I think that's right but won't swear on it. Also going to work on relaxation. FABULOUS! Sounds like a good idea to me! So, relax me, un-nauseate me (unless it's nausea for a pregnancy, ha!), un-pain me, un-infertile me, and undo my rebellious uterus. I am down with all of this. Are my expectations too high? It can't hurt to try. Right?!?!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

A year in review

March 20, 2009. My 2nd laparoscopy. Going in I was scared out of my mind-I had a urologist, GI surgeon and my RE on hand for the procedure. I woke up, and the first question on my mind was if I still had my colon fully in tact. I did, thankfully. Although it was (still is) adhered to the back of my uterus, it was too risky to my reproductive system to un-glue. Preservation of fertility was the name of the game. A new family was in sight. We had plans...dreams...ambitions!

After my scary skin reaction/infection (which still to this day bothers me) and a hysteroscopy in the books, it was time to move forward! Two "successful" IVF procedures-1 "chemical" pregnancy and 1 premature delivery later, here we are, March 20, 2010 with empty arms and a hole left in our hearts.

I feel stuck in time. Yet, it's moving quickly past. As we prepare for the next step in our journey to become parents, we can't help but to look beyond the immediate plans and wonder about life if things don't work out as we hope they do.

Same sh*t, different day...different year.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Tell me something good....


Friday, March 12, 2010

I've been a bad blogger

It's been a weird couple of weeks. Life has been busy. Busy is good though, right? Lots of up and down emotions lately, and, really just taking time out to deal with those. I've been a bad blogger with endo month, though, the topic is never far from my mind! I promise to make another attempt at spreading the word before the month is over!

I hope all my blogging friends are doing well! I've been trying to keep up with you all. Send some good wishes our way next week. I have an apt Tuesday for my repeat hydrosonogram to assess the need for a hysteroscopy. Good news through the tunnel though...as we are making plans for a FET in the very near future!!!

AND, I JUST saw this on Leno. I don't really care for him, but, this video is fabulous and I'm glad I had the station on. I am not a pregnant woman hater (really, I'm not, I think it's a beautiful and special thing and look forward one day to being there myself!), but, this just made me laugh with my recent whirlwind of emotions!!! I hope this doesn't offend anyone. Just a good release for those of us in limbo!

Monday, March 1, 2010

"Happy" Endometriosis Month!

Let's all spread the word about endo!!!

Oh, and, nothing kicks off Endometriosis month like the arrival AF. Lovely, huh?