I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!

Thursday, April 4, 2013

GReat article I found this morning that is keeping me going!

I think I can I think I can....

7.3 days for Citalopram to be 99% out of the body...that's Sunday...I can do this....

Going off anti-depressants

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Here's another hell-of-a ride...(A tale of citalopram)

I've decided the time has come to come off my SSRI (Citalopram, generic for Celexa) that I was taking for post partum depression.  I started out two weeks ago halving my 10mg pill.  Then I 1/4thed it for 1/2 a week.  I've been completely off the pill since Saturday of last week (Friday was my last).

This sucks.

Let me back up by saying that after I had my son, I was extremely weepy, dizzy and exhausted ALL THE TIME.  Not the normal, holy crap I haven't slept exhaustion.  Something different.  I struggled with this for about 4 months, and, finally they diagnosed my PPD.  I went on citalopram and things got better, slowly.  About 18 months after having my son, I was finally feeling normal about 90% of the time.  But, I did have some weird visual side effects and ZERO sex drive.  After being on the Citalopram for a little over a year, I was ready to be back to being drug free.  All those years of hormones to NOT conceive, then all the hormones over the years TO conceive, then the citalopram-I was over it all.

So, fast forward to today.  5 days off citalopram.  Here's how it's gone so far:
Day 1- "Wall of exhaustion" right after I ate lunch.  A feeling like I needed to curl up in a ball and take a good 2 hour nap or so.  It passed within a few hours
Day2- Felt great all day, until about 7PM when the exhaustion was so bad I literally couldn't do anything but sit on the couch.  A very strange feeling indeed. 
Day3- Woke up and felt like I hadn't slept at all (after 8 hours of sleep!).  That feeling combined with a foggy out of body floating feeling lasted until after lunch that day.  In the meantime I phoned my Dr.'s office to give them the scoop.  THe Dr.'s advise was that it should get better within the next 3-4 days, and if it didn't or it got worse, that I would need to be seen.
Day 4- MUCH better.  Woke up exhausted again, but, the feeling shook around 1130.  Imagine my excitement.  The fatigue returned around 6 that night and lasted another good hour.
Day 5-Felt tired upon waking, but, pretty normal until around 1145.  It's now 1 and I'm feeling slightly better, but, still blah.

Sometimes the exhaustion is a shakey feeling.  Sometimes it's dizzy.  Sometimes it's all things combined.

Of course these withdrawal symtpoms are doing NOTHING for my generalized anxiety.  "Will I ever feel normal again?  I just got to feeling at my best, why did I do this to myself.  Maybe I should go back on.  Is this what the rest of my life looks like".  This is how my brain is thinking right now...which doesn't help the other symptoms I'm having.

I wanted to share here to see if anyone had similar experiences coming of a SSRI, and if anyone could tell me how long this will last.  Dr. says this week.  I find that hard to believe.  A co-worker said her dizzy spells lasted around a month.  Other places say months.

I'm just scared and mad.  I don't want to go back on these pills though.  They got me through a dark time in my life and I really did need them.  But, I want my brain back.  I want my enery back.  I've got an amazing 19 month old to chase after and to adore...I dont have time for this!