I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Quick like

Just a quick post from my smartphone.  Apt went well last week. Doesn't seem to be a sugar issue. Insert sigh of relief here!!!  Perhaps when I stopped working out...I lost muscle mass?  I'm sure the drugs don't help the other symptoms! Well see. Going to follow up with my pcp next week!

In the meantime,  carry on.  Decrease Lu.pron.  start Gonal.F. no more doxy.  Patch. Lots going on!!!

Thanks for your kind words!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Don't ignore me!

That's what my body has been saying, and, I didn't want to listen. Today, I finally called the RE. "Could my excessive thirst, constant urination and 7 pounds of magical weight loss (in 3 weeks) be because of the A.ygestin?". Obviously, no. I have a fasting blood glucose test now scheduled along with my US and other bloodwork on Thursday, since my amazingly un-compassionate PCP couldn't squeeze me in until next Tuesday. Fingers crossed this is just some weird, flukey thing coincidentally going on, and, that my glucose isn't up to no good. A friend of mine today at work took my blood sugar about an hour after lunch and it was pretty high, but, not scary high. Hopefully it was just what I ate!!! That same friend is going to test me in the AM before I get anything to eat to help ease my mind before Thursday. Gotta love friends in the know!

Always something.

Otherwise, I'm feeling okay, aside from hormonal.

Just peachy.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Here we go again

Today is my last "drug free" (aside from the Aygestin I am already on) day.  We start FET #1, take 3, with a round of doxy, Aygestin and Lu.pron tomorrow.  In all honesty, I am nervous as hell.  I've never been this nervous before.  We've never had to wait this long before.  We've been waiting since the beginning of the year for this to take place.  I hope it all works out.  3 weeks from yesterday is our transfer date.  Here goes nothing!!!  Actually, not nothing.  Lots of hope riding on this cycle.  And, lots of emotions that will be cropping up in the next few weeks.  So, here goes A LOT!!!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I am the face Campaign

Check out this website. In honor of National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day (which is THIS Friday, October 15th), they are trying to get 2000 faces and raise $2000 to represent the 2000 women and families a DAY that suffer a loss of some kind. What an astounding statistic!!! I am a face. Please join the movement and spread the word!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Changes...and I'm not talking about the leaves!

It's been a very hard fall for us.  Time marches on.  Last year at this time, I was into my 2nd trimester, blissfully unaware of the tragedy that laid before us.  My how a year can change so dramatically.  Life moves forward, even when you don't want it to.  Sometimes I feel like life is moving forward all around us, while, we are stuck in the same gear we have been for years.  There have been some changes our way though.  We sold our house, built a new one, and moved in.  It was nice for a while to have something to look forward to.
We've attempted several FET's this year, but, nothing has worked out so far.  Here we are, "moving forward" again in this regard, yet, I still feel like we are standing still.  I will start a new course of medication in 9 days.  In 9 days, a new cycle of hope begins.  In 9 days we wonder again how far will we get this time?  Can we make it to a transfer day?  Will the embies thaw?  So many ups and downs ahead of us this next month, all the while as we walk hand in hand into our 4th year of marraige and also as we prepare to "celebrate" our son's first "birthday".  It's a crazy, hormone filled fall that is upon us.  We are ready to know the outcome.  Ready to know what lies ahead and what steps we will be taking next.  Is this a road that will lead to parenthood here on earth, or, more devestation and heartache?  We can't hurry up time and see what is waiting for us.  We can only hope and pray.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I only wanted you

I Only Wanted You

They say memories are golden
Well maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories
...I only wanted you.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
No one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway
And heartache make a lane,
I'd walk the path to heaven
And bring you back again.

author unknown