I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!





Monday, October 11, 2010

Changes...and I'm not talking about the leaves!

It's been a very hard fall for us.  Time marches on.  Last year at this time, I was into my 2nd trimester, blissfully unaware of the tragedy that laid before us.  My how a year can change so dramatically.  Life moves forward, even when you don't want it to.  Sometimes I feel like life is moving forward all around us, while, we are stuck in the same gear we have been for years.  There have been some changes our way though.  We sold our house, built a new one, and moved in.  It was nice for a while to have something to look forward to.
 
We've attempted several FET's this year, but, nothing has worked out so far.  Here we are, "moving forward" again in this regard, yet, I still feel like we are standing still.  I will start a new course of medication in 9 days.  In 9 days, a new cycle of hope begins.  In 9 days we wonder again how far will we get this time?  Can we make it to a transfer day?  Will the embies thaw?  So many ups and downs ahead of us this next month, all the while as we walk hand in hand into our 4th year of marraige and also as we prepare to "celebrate" our son's first "birthday".  It's a crazy, hormone filled fall that is upon us.  We are ready to know the outcome.  Ready to know what lies ahead and what steps we will be taking next.  Is this a road that will lead to parenthood here on earth, or, more devestation and heartache?  We can't hurry up time and see what is waiting for us.  We can only hope and pray.

7 comments:

Conceptionally Challenged said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.
Hoping and praying with you.

callmemama said...

Hoping this fall leads to parenthood for you...

cgd said...

Wishing you so much luck with this cycle!! I too am very much aware of the passing of time. Hoping for better times for you ahead.

Annie said...

Hi! I remember coming across your blog after you lost Wyatt. So sorry to see you are still struggling through infertility, too. I lost two boys at about the same gestation as your Wyatt, and like you I'll be doing IVF in November (this time with an endometrioma - grrrr!!). This is all so horribly unfair! Will be hoping and praying that that this last hurrah with IVF will finally bring you a take-home baby!

Marianne said...

I'm so sorry the FETs didn't work. Keeping my fingers crossed for this cycle.

erin said...

still hoping and praying with you guys and still amazed by your strength in the midst of all of this.

Maria said...

The unknowns suck....plain and simple. I wish you lots and lots of peace.