I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Blogging break

I haven't been on much lately because I've needed a blogging break. Me time. Trying to focus my life on the positives in this down time has been hard. Harping on my endo and infertility hadn't been really helping. So, during our move and while we wait on our new house, I've decided to be scarce.

I hate endo and infertility. Not a day goes by that I don't think about how different our life would be right now with Wyatt. I turn 30 in a little over a week. 30 isn't old, I know. Today, it just feels like it. Infertility has aged me.

I'm trying really hard to NOT think about getting pregnant every month. My blogging absence has helped some with that, and, another reason to take a breather.

I won't stop completely. I'll be around. Just need to find my old positivity and zest!!! I miss it. I will not let endo and infertility steal that from me.

All ramblings from a tiny cell phone keyboard. Hope you all are well!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

What Makes a Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.

"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby's not with you?"

"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this
God I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.

"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile,
With all the other children and say...

'We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'

"So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start

Though some on earth may not realize,
you are a Mother.
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!

~Author unknown