I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Milestones and other ponderings

I stumbled upon this TIME article on Mo and Will's blog today and wanted to share.

Things here are going well with here with his pregnancy. We are very thankful. Some days, though, I have my moments of sadness and doubt about it all. Today we hit another milestone. And, the way I reacted was not how I thought this day would be. After my ultrasound and talking with the OB today, we are going to start transitioning to more of a "normal" OB schedule (still with the cervical checks, sans the ultrasounds). Weird transitioning to more of that "normal" type of patient. I'm scared. I'm glad, but I'm scared. Terrified. I've also been thinking a lot lately about Wyatt. Had a good cry last night. I should be happier about this milestone...I think I'm more frightened maybe than anything. Who knows. Lots of emotions to process and sometimes it feels a little overwhelming. I mean, we are definitely happy. Maybe just a little scared of the unknown. Hell, who's not scared of that?

I'm not complaining at all. I know we are very fortunate and we are very appreciative for things so far! But, this journey of loss and grief still continue, and stumbling across this article...today after everything...helps me feel just a little more sane!!

Monday, March 21, 2011

'What he can expect when she's not expecting'...

Great new resource for the wonderful men in our lives who also deal with the affects of infertility...


Friday, March 11, 2011

Daym you Pharma companies!!!

This is an article about a dramatic price increase in progesterone...a drug that us in the infertility world are definitely aware of, as, are those women who use it to prevent premature birth.  What a shame!!!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Elisabeth Röhm’s Blog: Sharing My IVF Secret

A friend forwarded me this article today, and, I wanted to share.  Although, I would add to this paragraph:

As a witness to my own journey, I hope I can share a little reprieve and compassion with any person who is struggling with the decision to have a family in an unconventional way and to receive the support to do so. If you have to decide to have your child through IVF or surrogacy OR ADOPTION OR FOSTER CARE, or are going through it now after making the choice, I hope you know that there is nothing to be ashamed of at all. I acknowledge your strength in deciding that you have the right to parent.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Unfamiliar territory

About 16 months ago a beautiful pregnancy came to an end, a life gone too soon. Our first child was born, a son, our Wyatt. I was only 18 weeks pregnant. He was beautiful in every way. Perfect beyond all that is imaginable. Just not ready for this world. Not made for this world. He was never ours to have here with us.

Now, here we are in another beautiful pregnancy. 18 weeks. A whole day of being 18 weeks pregnant. This is something we've never encountered...from here on out it's unfamiliar territory. The weeks to our baby's arrival will soon be shorter than the number of weeks I am pregnant. So many wonderful things to look forward to. So far, so good.

I feel guilty, in a way. Guilty that my body couldn't do this for Wyatt. Guilty that I couldn't do anything to keep him safer. Just a little bit longer. I know I had NO control. I know that in my head. Sometimes my that hole in my heart feels differently. I know that things happened for a reason. Why? I have no idea. For a better appreciation of life and love? I don't know. I definitely do appreciate those things more. We both are appreciating many many things these days.

So, today we celebrated my body...God...life. There is still a little boy, our son, growing inside of me and getting stronger and stronger everyday. We are feeling blessed and hopeful and so very excited. The hope in our hearts grows deeper and deeper with every passing day. Every passing milestone. Excitement has begun to trump fear. Trump away!!!

We are looking ahead. One day at a time.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I plan on blogging more later...

But, I definitely can't ignore the fact that today kicks off Endometriosis Awareness month!!! There are lots of thoughts and emotions we are going through this week. I do plan on blogging more about awareness month...it may just be a little later than usual. I still have endo. I'll always have endo. There is no cure. Too many women are affected by this terrible disease to stand by and just watch. As endo sisters and families...we need to come together for a change!!!