I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012


Yep. It does. Hormones suck too.

To be honest, I haven't felt worth a crap since I've had my son. Parenting is hard. Parenting when you arent 100% is even harder. But, I keep on telling myself things will get better. Things will even out. I finally got a Dr. to listen to me and run bloodwork. Looks like my Vitamin D is crazy out of whack. I'm hoping among hope that a simple vitamin will do the trick. I have my doubts.

Then, when I've got my head all wrapped around that problem, here comes my period. Oh the post partum periods. The first was so bad I almost passed out a few times from blood loss. The next time it was a breeze. "I can handle this" I said. Ugh. Today I woke up with overwhelming nausea. And, cramps. Here it comes. With a vengeance.

I've been tracking my craptastic feelings lately. They seem strangely hormonally related. All my docs think I'm crazy for thinking that. It's like 3 weeks out of the month, ick. The other week, I'm feeling SO good!!!

I called back today and asked them to run some tests on the blood they already drew to check my hormones. Why is it so unimaginable that it's related to my new cycles? Hell, I've been trying to have a baby and/or been on endo treatments since 2007!!! I've been pregnant every year (3 times) since 2009!!! Why WOULDN'T my body be out of whack?

Let's not even talk about the crazy in the HEAD feelings my hormones bring!!! One minute, super mom, the next a fumbling psycho who doesn't feel competent or worthy.

I'm on the brink of getting Mirena. WHY am I thinking adding hormones will help even me out. Does that sound insane?!?!

HELP ME LADIES! I want to feel somewhat normal. Somewhat sane. I want to be a good mother. I love my son and my new family. Help me rationalize through this.

Love you blogging community.