Saturday, November 12, 2011
Things here are busy and wonderful. I can, however, tell that my cycle is about to start. Maybe not, but, I've been having those familiar pangs in my ovaries and occasional cramping. I'm SO nervous about having my period. More nervous that I was no push out a baby!!! How sad is that? Thanks endo, for making me dread almost every month!!!
I still haven't made a decision on the BC. Thank you to all that have responded. I just can't decide what is right and what I am ready for. The thought of going back on something to help keep me from getting pregnant absolutely blows my mind. But, I know it's also not just about that...but about suppression of my endo...whether it be lurking right away or not.
I don't know where my life is heading as far as endo goes, but, I know I will always be vigilant. And, I'm sorry, but I just dont believe something like that can GO AWAY. I believe it can get better...but, will I ever be rid of this disease? With my experience in the medical field...I am doubtful.
I hope to be posting more regularly and checking in on my blogroll folks!!! Been thinking about you all, even if I haven't posted to say so.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
I cannot believe the conversation I had with the OB. On BC. Yes, I typed it. BIRTH CONTROL. Weird. Even weirder to be typing it here on this blog. I stopped BC in 2007. Here we are 4 1/2 years later thinking about going back on. We've been blessed with two sons. One here in our arms, the other in God's. We definitely are not ready for another child right away. Connor is a blessing but I am not sure that I can handle another little one at the moment. Nor all of the emotions that would accompany another pregnancy/child.
But, for now, what? I have a dilemma in the BC arena unfortunately. I only have one option. Mirena. I have a history of migraines with Auras, so, any other kind is really contraindicated. Awesome. I am not too keen on that option-something strange about something being inside me emitting hormones on a constant basis. That just seems so odd to me! So, thinking about NO BC. Condoms aren't my friend...I normally get irritations from them, and, with the healing going on down there I am not down with that. I am pretty sure I can't keep up with chartting at the moment. Life is a bit chaotic. And, then there's my ENDOMETRIOSIS. Ugh. I am so scared about it rearing it's ugly head if I'm not on anything. SO SCARED. And then, on the same lines, maybe we SHOULD just try again since my body is probably in it's best condition ever at the moment? Sleepless nights knock that thought right out of the park most of the time.
What's a girl to do? Anyone have any experience with Mirena (good or bad)? Does it have any benefits with endo? The OB said that there isn't a ton of research, but, what little there has been it has shown a benefit. Any other ideas?!?!?!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Just wanted to touch base and catch up with everyone. We recently had some maternity pictures taken and during the shoot I had the photographer get one for us to hang up for Wyatt. I actually saw the picture on Jeanna's Blog a while ago and have been wanting to recreate it. I wanted to share that. Also, I know that pregnancy is a touchy subject for most readers, but I feel very beautiful and extremely blessed to be where we are and I don't want to hide it. I hope that does not offend. I will never forget where this miracle came from and what we went through to get here. And, I know that my battle with endometriosis is long from over. Is it ever over? I am not naive to the fact that I may return to my normally, painful self...could be soon. So, for now I'm enjoying the blessings that we have and praying for those trying to get there-however that may be.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
This week marks our viability milestone in our pregnancy!!!! 25 weeks on last Thursday! What a beautiful blessing for us to be celebrating. Each and every day is more and more cause for celebration, as we ever so steadily reach for the next "checkpoint" in this journey towards parenthood.
What a beautiful week for us to get away to celebrate love, loss and life!!!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Things here are going well with here with his pregnancy. We are very thankful. Some days, though, I have my moments of sadness and doubt about it all. Today we hit another milestone. And, the way I reacted was not how I thought this day would be. After my ultrasound and talking with the OB today, we are going to start transitioning to more of a "normal" OB schedule (still with the cervical checks, sans the ultrasounds). Weird transitioning to more of that "normal" type of patient. I'm scared. I'm glad, but I'm scared. Terrified. I've also been thinking a lot lately about Wyatt. Had a good cry last night. I should be happier about this milestone...I think I'm more frightened maybe than anything. Who knows. Lots of emotions to process and sometimes it feels a little overwhelming. I mean, we are definitely happy. Maybe just a little scared of the unknown. Hell, who's not scared of that?
I'm not complaining at all. I know we are very fortunate and we are very appreciative for things so far! But, this journey of loss and grief still continue, and stumbling across this article...today after everything...helps me feel just a little more sane!!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Great new resource for the wonderful men in our lives who also deal with the affects of infertility...
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
As a witness to my own journey, I hope I can share a little reprieve and compassion with any person who is struggling with the decision to have a family in an unconventional way and to receive the support to do so. If you have to decide to have your child through IVF or surrogacy OR ADOPTION OR FOSTER CARE, or are going through it now after making the choice, I hope you know that there is nothing to be ashamed of at all. I acknowledge your strength in deciding that you have the right to parent.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Now, here we are in another beautiful pregnancy. 18 weeks. A whole day of being 18 weeks pregnant. This is something we've never encountered...from here on out it's unfamiliar territory. The weeks to our baby's arrival will soon be shorter than the number of weeks I am pregnant. So many wonderful things to look forward to. So far, so good.
I feel guilty, in a way. Guilty that my body couldn't do this for Wyatt. Guilty that I couldn't do anything to keep him safer. Just a little bit longer. I know I had NO control. I know that in my head. Sometimes my that hole in my heart feels differently. I know that things happened for a reason. Why? I have no idea. For a better appreciation of life and love? I don't know. I definitely do appreciate those things more. We both are appreciating many many things these days.
So, today we celebrated my body...God...life. There is still a little boy, our son, growing inside of me and getting stronger and stronger everyday. We are feeling blessed and hopeful and so very excited. The hope in our hearts grows deeper and deeper with every passing day. Every passing milestone. Excitement has begun to trump fear. Trump away!!!
We are looking ahead. One day at a time.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
The appointment made us really miss our Wyatt. They think we are having another boy. It was very strange being here again (at another ultrasound)...in very different circumstances than just what seems such a short time ago. I guess it's actually been a while. Seems like yesterday! However, we are very comforted in knowing that this baby has one, VERY special guardian angel watching over him. Always. I know the next few weeks are going to be pretty emotional for us as we make our way to that 17/18 week mark. Every day is a cause for celebration...but everyday is bringing painful reminders back into our fore front.
We love you Wyatt. We love you new little D. You are both our children...and we will love you always. No matter what.
Now stay put baby! You've got some more months of growing, ok?!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
One day at a time. One step at a time. Together.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Seems that the wonderful progesterone that helps keep this baby safe also likes to play games with the digestive system. And, with my colon being stuck to my uterus... without being too descriptive..WOW. There are other stretching woes going on, but, they are bearable. Not so much the colon business.
What I've learned this week? Progesterone and adhesions are more powerful than gallons of water, fresh fruit and veggies, prune juice and colace. Know what helps? A warm glass of apple juice. So far. Who would have thought of that? Really?
I hope that this too shall pass!?!?
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
But isn't it so pretty?!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
I haven't blogged in a few weeks. It's strange. Things have been busy with the new year here. Nothing much to report on this end. I don't have another Dr.'s appointment until a week from Tuesday. Seems like FOREVER away. Unless we choose the first trimester screening, we won't be having an ultrasound at that visit. However, I will be requesting a doppler. I need reassurance that this baby is still in there. Starting at 14 weeks I'll be going in for frequent ultrasounds to check the cervical length.
Luckily for a while nausea has been consistent and reassuring. Sore boobs, etc, etc. Unfortunately, those symptoms have started to wane...which, starts up the uneasy thoughts in my head. Some days I can go all day without a bout of any ick. Other days, I'd rather be in bed. Truthfully, until I get frequent peeks of this little one, I'd rather have some of that reassurance!!! I've been having bad dreams lately. They feel so real. We remain hopeful, but sometimes the doubt comes creeping in. Today, I just don't feel like I'm pregnant. Tomorrow, I hope that will be different.
Love you little one. Don't mean to doubt you. It's not you...it's me. Sometimes I wonder if my body is capable of doing this. My dreams are trying to convince me that it's not. Praying for peace, and, as always praying for you, dear child.