I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Fertilization report

I've been on pins and needles this AM waiting on my call. Here's the report:

5 eggs retrieved
All 5 ICSI'd (fertilized by injecting in sperm since I had so few eggs)
1 didn't fertilize
1 didn't divide
3 embryo's dividing nicely and waiting!

Pray they make it to Saturday at 9 am! Unless there are quality issues, we'll have 2 transferred and 1 to hope to make it to the freezer. That'll give us 2 eggs in the freezer we can use for a frozen transfer one day if needed. Hopefully we won't need them right away!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Drowsy report

They got 5 out. My right ovary is worthless. Keep your fingers crossed for us! We'll find out tomorrow the fertilization report. Its nice and overcast/rainy today perfect for sleeping away anesthesia and cramps! Nite nite!

Monday, July 27, 2009

Houston, we have lift off!!!

I just got done injecting my 2 ovidrel shots. So, here we go! My ER (egg retrieval) will be Weds at 8 AM. EARLY day. I'm nervous and ready to have it done. From my bloodwork, everything looks good. I don't have really high numbers with my follicle count, but, I'm going quality over quantity. Chant it with me! I don't necessarily like the idea of having that many eggs sitting around in a freezer anyway, so, it's just meant to be. Just hoping that I get at least 2 good ones ready to go for this cycle! :)

I'm not sure if they are planning to drain my cyst/endometrioma while in there. I assume she will as she did last time. I'll find out Weds. Just rolling with the punches!

So, it'll probably be a 3 day transfer with the low count, just like last time. So, that'll be Sat. With an ER on Weds, my BETA will be WEds, August 12th. IF there are good eggs, which will turn into good embryo's.


Yes-lets call it what it is...kinda

"Fluid" around the right ovary. At least we aren't calling it a follicle anymore! Just waiting on bw now. Looks like I have 5 about where they need to be. Even 1 of those *may* be on the right!!! Looking at a Weds or Thurs retrieval, depending on bw today.

To be cont...

Friday, July 24, 2009

Slow but steady wins the race?

Well, not winning any races here, but, progress is good, right?!?! I had 4-5 measurable follies today-they are getting there! All on the left. The right, I fear, won't be much good again. Because of that "follicle". I still haven't asked about that...I keep forgetting! How do you forget that?

SPEAKING OF FORGETTING, guess who forgot a Lupron shot last night?!? ME!!!!! I fell asleep and completely forgot last night. I F-R-E-A-K-E-D out when I woke up this morning. You should have SEEN how quickly I got ready for my appointment. And, I got my hubby up and going too because I just knew if they had told me I f'd it up royally, he needed to be there for me. They were very reassuring and didn't make a big deal about it at all at the clinic. Which is what I needed. I've still been a bit on edge about it throughout the day, but, not much I can do but to trust their advice and just roll with it. I'm sure it's happened time and time before! I had taken my injection with me and took it at the clinic as soon as they said the word.

So, I'm still on the same schedule with my drugs until Monday, when I have my next apt. They *think* my retrieval will be sometime around Weds if I keep on this track. I am praying for beautiful, mature eggs behind these growing follies. I know my numbers won't be high again, which is a little disappointing. But, it only takes one...I keep telling myself that!!!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


Has anyone experienced their skin getting "tougher" with repeated injections?! Or am I going crazy? And, I'm not talking the same specific spots. Just now, with my Lupron shot...it took a minute to get it in the skin. Not as effortless as it used to be. This has happened several times this cycle. I almost thought for a while the needles were dull. And, DAMN does it hurt when that happens. Okay, not like awful pain, but, OUCH.

That is all. Goodnite! :)

Stubborn puppies

And puppies=ovaries.

I don't know what my E2 was today. I missed the phone call, but the clinic left a message about my dosages. UP with the Gonal F again. So, Gonal F-225, Menopur-150, Lupron-5. From the US this AM I don't have ANY (well, see below for the exception) measurable follicles. WHAT is up? WAKE UP OVARIES! I have 6 under 10 mm on the right (not sure if they'll ever get bigger-that's the ovary that didn't work last time and I had about the same amount then too), and 8 under 10mm on the left. At this point last time, they were already assuring me the next Monday for retrieval. Ho-hum. Maybe they are just a little sleepy? I'm SLEEPY as all get out, speaking of which.

ANYWHO, the exception? A 19x19mm "follicle" on the right ovary. I think "follicle"=cyst/endometrioma. But, they said follicle this AM and I just planned on discussing it when they called today. Remember I said my right ovary appeared larger at baseline this time 'round? Yeah, it was apparently this "follicle". Why would I have a HUGE follicle on one ovary...before I even started stims?

I'm getting a little nervous. I'm on way more meds than last time, and am going WAY slower. But, I continue on and will adjust my medications accordingly. Hopefully Friday will find some good sized follies that will hopefully equal out to good quality eggs in my hopeful retrieval this cycle.

How long do they try to plump these follies up before bagging a cycle?

Monday, July 20, 2009

Is this thing on?!

My Gonal F pen that is. My E2 is 30 today. WTF. Last time on this day in the cycle it was 150. So, it leaves me to wonder, is the pen working? I'm going to closely examine it tonight. I've been jamming the needle in my skin. Has the drug been coming out?! I primed it and did everything I was supposed to do.
What else would explain a low E2 level right now? My cycle was so "perfect" last time, I just expected the same this go round. This will most likely delay my procedures some, right?

So, 150 each Gonal F and Menopur tonight. Yep, that two stingy vials of the Menopur. I assume I can draw both vials up in one needle, right? Gonna have to watch that video again!

Ughhhh. I'm a little disappointed, but, forging ahead.

Sunday, July 19, 2009


Just had to post these. Hot, right?! :)

Shots are going okay. Lots of bruising this time, which I don't understand. Am I not doing them right? I'm using my thigh again...just can't even imagine if I did them in my stomach and it was doing this. My poor tummy needs to enjoy it's relative peace at the moment! They've been a little more painful this time too. Maybe too much hesitation?

Thursday, July 16, 2009


Baseline apt seemed to go well. I didn't get a call, so, all is good to go tomorrow for the start of GonalF and the reduced dose of Lupron. From the ultrasound, I didn't see ANY mass on my right ovary! Hmmmm. They didn't say anything about it either. Woot! It was a good bit bigger than the other though. I don't know what the reason for that is. But, I'm wondering if this ovary will be productive!!! Looking forward to next week's first ultrasound on Weds (only bw on Mon) to see!

Short and sweet post from the blackberry. Getting ready for the week ahead and the multiple injections. I'm ready for the transfer already! ;)

Monday, July 13, 2009

It's all about supression

Well, here we are in the throws of IVF cycle#2. My last dose of Aygestin was Saturday evening. I was taking Aygestin for my endometriosis and to help ease into this cycle. I can't take birth control because I get migraines with aura's, so, this is how we start. Aygestin has been good to me since our last IVF cycle. I was in a good amount of pain from my period/miscarriage, and after I started taking the Aygestin the pain has been minimal to none. Being pain free is something unknown to me since my entire endo journey has begun. So, pain-free is a wonderful state!

Lupron is taken for a number of reasons. Being in the field of Oncology professionally, my first run in with Lupron was for the treatment of prostate cancer. Never had I thought of it in another manner until it was prescribed to me by my OBGYN after my first surgery and diagnosis of stage IV endometriosis. My opinion on it for the treatment of endometriosis isn't very high, but, that could be for a number of reasons. First, I didn't take it for it's full course (started having ocular migraines and decided to stop). Second, my endometriosis "came back" rather quickly once I was off. In my case, my second surgery was to remove an endometrioma that resurfaced only a few months off treatment. So, really, it was only a temporary "fix". The Dr.'s make you feel like the "fix" will be longer, so, I was pretty disappointed when I was back in surgery just months later after stopping. (NOTE, it is NOT a cure for endometriosis-don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise!)

So, when I heard of Lupron again for IVF, I was a little reluctant. It's in a MUCH smaller dose than in treatment, and it's side effects were minimal during my use for IVF. I'm still not 100% thrilled with having to take it because of everything that I experienced when using it to "treat" endometriosis, but, it seemed to work well the last cycle.

So, what does Lupron do in IVF?

Lupron Depot (leuprolide acetate for depot suspension) is a GnRH agonist - a hormone that works in two distinct phases. Phase one stimulates the ovaries causing them to produce more of the most potent of the three estrogens produced by women - estradiol. In phase two the messenger hormones that tell the ovaries to produce estrogen decline dramatically. This causes a significant reduction in estrogen levels, and results in the "pituitary suppression" phase.

Because of the initial surge in estrogen, it is usually given for a few weeks before starting the other fertility medications. This allows patients to “get past” the stimulation phase and into the suppression phase.

Pituitary suppression is important for recruitment of multiple follicles. By desensitizing the pituitary to signals from the brain, Lupron blocks the natural tendency of the brain to allow only one dominant follicle to grow in each cycle.

Tonight will be my 6th injection of Lupron this cycle. Seems today I have signs of spotting. This happened last cycle after I stopped the Aygestin as well, and, is considered "normal". I didn't have any particular side effects last cycle. This time I am having some local irritation at the injection site for about 30 minutes after injections. I've also noticed I'm bruising this time. So interesting how things differ from cycle to cycle. Hopefully the rest of the regimen will go well.

Sorry I've been MIA. It's been super busy in "normal everyday life" around here. I've been so pleased to go through some of my blogroll to find some of my fellow endo sufferers and infertility bloggers have found themselves with recent positive pregnancy tests and new adventures. Very exciting. It also seems I have new followers. I need to catch up!

My next apt is on Thursday and I am eager to see how things are going. Last time I had an endometrioma by my first ultrasound (it was luckily drained during my egg retrieval). I'm wondering if that right ovary will have another or, if it doesn't, will it be productive this time? So many unknowns ahead. Here we go!!!!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Last shotless night for a while...

So, Lu.pron shots start tomorrow! As do the oral antibiotics. I have been reassured by yet ANOTHER MD that the problems with my incisions are purely superficial (ie, only skin deep), so, here we go. And, I figured if after the antibiotics and before my baseline apt, if things aren't better or worse, we still have the opportunity to stop.

So, here's to enjoying one last night before I'm constantly watching the clock and planning the evening around my injections. It's all hopefully going to be worth it though!!! And, besides, having to anticipate the shots each night helps to keep the mind busy, unlike the wait after the transfer.

Here's to hoping and praying for a successful IVF cycle#2!!!!!!! Is it August 10th yet?!?!?!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

How do they know it's the weekend?

My incisions...how do they know? Belly button is all gross again. No big blatant pustules this time, just some obvious leaking that has crusted over. The upper quadrant looks okay. Seems to be a little puffy around it, but, it seems it is TRYING it's best to close.

I haven't a clue what to do about the upcoming cycle. I have been reassured by several MD's that it'll be okay, it's all "superficial" (ie, skin deep). But, is it really? They don't really KNOW what it is, so, how can they say it? I know I've had physical exam after physical exam. There is no pain, heat, etc around any of the incisions. No obvious infection.

Why do I have to be so "special" sometimes?

Hope your weekends were good to you. We had a wonderful time with friends. hate for the week to come, but, looking forward to seeing some old friends this coming weekend! And, maybe looking forward to starting this new cycle. If I can reassure myself...

Friday, July 3, 2009

Happy 4th Everyone!

Hope everyone has a wonderful 4th of July! I'll probably will be back more next week when we start our new cycle. This week has been insanely busy, and, the weekend will be the same. Work has been nuts, and, I hardly feel like making more connection with a computer when I get home.

Of course the incision started flaring today (bellyb)...when the clinics are closed. Whatcha gonna do?