PPD/PPA

That stands for post partum depression/post partum anxiety. It's real. And it really sucks. Good news is that I am on the upswing. Just wanted to update since it's been a while. Meds are good and hormones are finally leveling out. I still haven't decided what to do about birth control. It seems so foreign to even consider, but, that damned endo. Ive been wanting everything to calm down before going down the hormonal road. So, going to see my Dr. next week to do a little more medication adjustment...and then, then I'll start looking into all that.

Thanks for the positive words from my last post! Hope you all are well. I'm playing catch up!!!!

Endo SUCKS

Yep. It does. Hormones suck too.

To be honest, I haven't felt worth a crap since I've had my son. Parenting is hard. Parenting when you arent 100% is even harder. But, I keep on telling myself things will get better. Things will even out. I finally got a Dr. to listen to me and run bloodwork. Looks like my Vitamin D is crazy out of whack. I'm hoping among hope that a simple vitamin will do the trick. I have my doubts.

Then, when I've got my head all wrapped around that problem, here comes my period. Oh the post partum periods. The first was so bad I almost passed out a few times from blood loss. The next time it was a breeze. "I can handle this" I said. Ugh. Today I woke up with overwhelming nausea. And, cramps. Here it comes. With a vengeance.

I've been tracking my craptastic feelings lately. They seem strangely hormonally related. All my docs think I'm crazy for thinking that. It's like 3 weeks out of the month, ick. The other week, I'm feeling SO good!!!

I called back today and asked them to run some tests on the blood they already drew to check my hormones. Why is it so unimaginable that it's related to my new cycles? Hell, I've been trying to have a baby and/or been on endo treatments since 2007!!! I've been pregnant every year (3 times) since 2009!!! Why WOULDN'T my body be out of whack?

Let's not even talk about the crazy in the HEAD feelings my hormones bring!!! One minute, super mom, the next a fumbling psycho who doesn't feel competent or worthy.

I'm on the brink of getting Mirena. WHY am I thinking adding hormones will help even me out. Does that sound insane?!?!

HELP ME LADIES! I want to feel somewhat normal. Somewhat sane. I want to be a good mother. I love my son and my new family. Help me rationalize through this.

Love you blogging community.

Where did I go???

I came to blog this morning and noticed my account had been messed with, so blogger temporarily disabled my account! CRAZY!!!

Things here are busy and wonderful. I can, however, tell that my cycle is about to start. Maybe not, but, I've been having those familiar pangs in my ovaries and occasional cramping. I'm SO nervous about having my period. More nervous that I was no push out a baby!!! How sad is that? Thanks endo, for making me dread almost every month!!!

I still haven't made a decision on the BC. Thank you to all that have responded. I just can't decide what is right and what I am ready for. The thought of going back on something to help keep me from getting pregnant absolutely blows my mind. But, I know it's also not just about that...but about suppression of my endo...whether it be lurking right away or not.

I don't know where my life is heading as far as endo goes, but, I know I will always be vigilant. And, I'm sorry, but I just dont believe something like that can GO AWAY. I believe it can get better...but, will I ever be rid of this disease? With my experience in the medical field...I am doubtful.

I hope to be posting more regularly and checking in on my blogroll folks!!! Been thinking about you all, even if I haven't posted to say so.

Say what?

Hello all. Wow. I haven't blogged really in a while. Nor have I been doing well at keeping up with others. Connor turned 7 weeks yesterday. 7 WEEKS. I can hardly believe it. I had my 1 month FU obviously several weeks ago now. Everything was looking good. By now all my stitches should be healed (I had somewhere between 15-20!!!) and I am feeling pretty normal most days. Hormones can still be evil sometimes. Guilt sucks. But, for the most part, my new normal is setting in.

I cannot believe the conversation I had with the OB. On BC. Yes, I typed it. BIRTH CONTROL. Weird. Even weirder to be typing it here on this blog. I stopped BC in 2007. Here we are 4 1/2 years later thinking about going back on. We've been blessed with two sons. One here in our arms, the other in God's. We definitely are not ready for another child right away. Connor is a blessing but I am not sure that I can handle another little one at the moment. Nor all of the emotions that would accompany another pregnancy/child.

But, for now, what? I have a dilemma in the BC arena unfortunately. I only have one option. Mirena. I have a history of migraines with Auras, so, any other kind is really contraindicated. Awesome. I am not too keen on that option-something strange about something being inside me emitting hormones on a constant basis. That just seems so odd to me! So, thinking about NO BC. Condoms aren't my friend...I normally get irritations from them, and, with the healing going on down there I am not down with that. I am pretty sure I can't keep up with chartting at the moment. Life is a bit chaotic. And, then there's my ENDOMETRIOSIS. Ugh. I am so scared about it rearing it's ugly head if I'm not on anything. SO SCARED. And then, on the same lines, maybe we SHOULD just try again since my body is probably in it's best condition ever at the moment? Sleepless nights knock that thought right out of the park most of the time.

What's a girl to do? Anyone have any experience with Mirena (good or bad)? Does it have any benefits with endo? The OB said that there isn't a ton of research, but, what little there has been it has shown a benefit. Any other ideas?!?!?!

The real deal

I never saw Wyatt's feet. All I have left are his foot prints. Our photographer sent us this sneak peek this morning of Connor's feet...oh how special it is!

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He's here!

8 pounds, 4 ounces
21.75 inches long
8/13/2011 at 437 AM

Love him to pieces! Trying to adjust to our new life. Hormones are bad!!

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Happy August

July was an interesting month and I'm glad it's come and gone!!! I'd like no more of the kind of excitement it entailed...thank you very much!

Happy August!  Our son will be born THIS month!!!