I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Round three

And no cysts! I dunno why I get myself all worked up-my Dr. had no problem with doing the ultrasound. He was really great about it. Everything looked good. My ovaries are a little enlarged, but, nothing more than they have been, and nothing outside the normal limits. So, it was a good visit. I haven't decided about shot#4 yet. He is encouraging me (of course) to continue treatment since everything is going so well with the side effects (KNOCK ON WOOD); I told him I'd make the decision about 1/2 way into this one.

Mood is getting better. Sometimes I dunno if it's the meds or just things crapping on us lately-probably a combo. 2008 has been a bit rocky so far-sick, surgery, house flood, now house mold and my husband's grandmother is gravely ill. Hoping things will start to look up soon. I mean, they have to, right? Anyway, some of my ill mood might be just from all the sh*t going on these days. At any rate, I don't feel quite as angry as often anymore. I still get the random bouts, but, NOTHING like before!!

So, we'll see how everything goes. Tomorrow is my ultrasound for my gallbladder. I really hope everything checks out okay with that. As much as I want answers for my nausea, I don't want it to be anything that requires surgery. I'm not a fan of hospitals (even though I work in one).

I probably won't have any news on the ultrasound until next week I assume. I'll keep you updated.

Thanks to everyone for their well wishes!!!

***ALSO, please pray for my blogging friend at the "New Kind of Normal" website to the right. She is going in for her hysterectomy tomorrow! My heart and prayers are with you!!!!***

Tuesday, May 27, 2008


That's the word of the day. Dr. wants to check it out-first by ultrasound. If that comes back okay, then nuclear medicine scan, then, if that's okay, endoscopy. At least he has a plan? I'm SO TIRED of being poked and proded. Ugh. I am still going to demand an ultrasound on Thursday. Not that I want it to be ture, but, I just feel the same as I did before. None of the MD's think this is plausible. Why not? You look up endometrioma online, and a symptom is nasuea. Anyway, we'll see. At least the GI is trying to look out for me-he wasn't pleased to see me again (in the manner that I should have been better!). And, I have been having random pains after I eat, so, I guess it's better to have it checked out. I dunno about the nuclear medicine test though-that sh*t freaks me out! I'll have to read up some more on it. I know our cancer patients have treatments and scans over there-I just don't know all the details.

Anyway, that's that. Round 2 of Dr. appts commences on Thursday.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Still not feeling better

Maybe a little? Maybe. Tomorrow I have an appointment with the GI. He gave me something for the nausea-it's not really helping. The sour stomach thing comes on now after every meal or beverage (even water). I went from nausea to nausea+stomach pain. It's SO WEIRD, because, it doesn't bother me WHEN I'm eating-it feels better then. So odd!

We'll see what happens tomorrow. Hope everyone had nice weekends. Besides a few mood swings and an almost emotional breakdown this AM (I think that was Lupron mood with a side of just feeling SO TIRED of being sick)-it was a nice weekend here. I miss yummy foods!!!

Friday, May 23, 2008

It's "not common"...

But it happens. Story of my life recently, huh? ;) ANYWAY, apparently the bleeding is normal-so says the OBGYN. K, we'll see about that. I'll try another day off the progesterone...it hasn't subsided the nausea. Actually, I'm just feeling worse and worse as it seems. Today it's a pain (almost like a burning-I dunno how else to describe it) starting from my pelvic area all the way through my stomach up to my ribs. Not like endo period pain, but, like a tummy ache almost? UGH, I'm so over this!!! The GYN WILL do an ultrasound-I need answers. GI also called me in something for the nausea, and, I have an appointment with them on Tuesday-even though I think it's not that. WHo knows these days though. The weird thing is (TMI), it that the ache hurts worse when my bowels are full. That could hurt all the way into your stomach? The body works in mysterious ways.

Off to get some rest. It does a body good! I hope!

Thursday, May 22, 2008


So, what should I think about that? I've been crampy and uber nauseated this week...and tonight after I went to the restroom, I noticed I am bleeding. Enough to wear a panty liner. Soooooooooo, why am I bleeding after so long?

I've been off the progesterone 2 days now. Still feel nauseated. I'll try a couple of more days. I don't want to go too long off of it because I think that is help subsiding any of the hot flashes and all that fun stuff.

GI called...wants me to take something for nausea, and come in to see him in 1-2 weeks. We'll see after my GYN appointment next week if I feel like I need to go in. The nurse on my voice mail said he suggested Reglan, which I am NOT trying again (made me feel like jumping off a cliff!), but, she knew I wouldn't want to take that, so, they are suggesting Zofran. I'll look it up and check it out before I call in the morning. I really don't want to take any more meds!

So, again, back to the bleeding...what's up with that?

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

If I had a tail, I'm chasing it....

So, I finally called my OBGYN yesterday to let him know about my persistent nausea. He called back today, and, he is writing this off as possible GI issues. Really? Are you for real? Have you not noticed ANY connection between my GI and GYN issues lately? He said that maybe, possibly, it could be the progesterone. That doesn't make much sense to me-I've been on it for 2 months straight now...why would that be causing the "ill feelings" I've felt in the past 3 weeks. If he wants to chalk it up to side effects, I'd say it's the Lupron. But, I dunno. I've felt this way before...this is a familiar ill. This is not uncharted territory. So, I'll appease the Dr. and lay off the add back for the next few days. I have an appointment with him (not just a nurse) for this possible last shot. I'm not making any decisions about continuing until mid way through #3. Anyway, if his add back therapy theory doesn't pan out, I'll make sure he listens to me next Thursday. Who knows me best? I do, and I am not right in the pelvic area somewhere...and I don't think the GI is going to be able to do anything about it. So, do I just demand an ultrasound for peace of mind on my theory (a cyst)? What would you do? I hate this round and round. I mean, maybe there is some GI issues going on (my stomach also "burns" right below after meals, when I feel like eating)...but, they've always been tied to the GYN. I just have a hard time grasping all of this. I was almost in tears after I got off the phone today...sometimes I just feel like I am talking, and no one hears me.

Thanks for letting me vent. I think I needed it today.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

This weekend

This weekend went pretty well. I'm still waking up nauseated (I'm calling the Dr. tomorrow) and feeling so-so during the day. Eating has become boring once again (nooooooooooooooo, I love food!), but, that really hasn't stopped me from eating. I think that (not knowing what to eat) has a lot to do with that is having been "not allowed" in the kitchen with our recent house work. Hopefully I can get back in there sometime early this week.

I'm having pains on the left and right of my pelvic area. Not constant, but, noticeable. I do not like this at all. :( PLEASE keep your fingers crossed it's not another cyst. It's been one heck of a year-I'm not sure I can mentally handle that right now.

Leg pains too this weekend. My knee is particularly sore tonight. But, I've done a lot of lifting and stooping with yard and house work, so, I'm not surprised.

My neck has been killing me too. This happens often with me, although, it hasn't happened in a while. It has to do with my posture some, and, where I carry my stress (right in my shoulders/neck). I went to PT last year for it because I was getting such terrible headaches. Wonder if I can refer myself. I definitely have been under some stress lately.

Any of you take any anti-depressants/anxiety? Does it help? I used to take anti-anxiety years ago, but, haven't since. I take xanax on and off; the thought of taking another medication kind of sickens me...but at the same time, do I need it? I know some of my anger/fuss has been from the Lupron, but, it has been such a crazy year (especially with house stuff), that, depression right now wouldn't surprise me. I am just tired of feeling like such a bitch!

Friday, May 16, 2008

My week recap

Sorry I've been MIA. We've (finally) had some work done on our house this week and we've been staying with a friend. I'm glad to be home, and chilling. The calm before the storm-we've got a TON to do this weekend to get our home back in shape. It's been a crazy year-but, seems to be moving in the right directions. These updates are going to look great when they finally get done.

ANYWAY, I've been feeling blah still this week. Tummy issues-nausea like back in October. Also, "stomach" pain-right below my rib cage. Heartburn again?! Ugh, I'm on nexium. I'll give both Dr.'s a call next week. I mean, who do I call? Is it endo or a cyst messing me up again (really, this is how it all began), or, is it GI issues on top of this all? Could be side effects? I dunno. Like I've said, I've had these feelings before. I get hungry, but, before I can eat my stomach starts having the pains, and, then I'm not hungry again. Round and round-that's how I feel sometimes.

Pain with BM's-not unusual for me though. I do have adhesions, so, this is not startling. Not awful pain-I just feel full and tender sometimes.

My legs were pretty sore yesterday evening/today. We bowl every Thursday with some friends, and, that must have aggrevated something-that's when the pain started.

Moody still...but, either I'm getting used to it, or, it might be leveling off. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Hope you all are doing well. I have a goal for next week-get back to exercising. I really was feeling better all around when I was being more active. It's just been so crazy these past few weeks with things to do at the house and such...I just need to make the time. It does the body good. Hopefully I'll be able to make more home cooked meals this week too since we have more mobility in our house. Small steps...

Sunday, May 11, 2008

New Normal?

Still waking up with this "nagging" nausea. It's not altering my daily activities, or, I am trying not to let it-but, it's there, and uncomfortable. Sometimes it feels a little like I waited too long to eat. Other times I can feel it all the way up in my throat. It always comes from my pelvic area-I don't know how to describe me knowing this, I can just feel it. It's the WORST when I first wake up. EXACTLY how it all started, so, at least I am "used" to the idea of these feelings since I've experienced them before. When I eat, it feels better, but, comes back not long after I'm done. It just creates that all over "icky" I've been describing most of the week.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Hoooray for the weekend!

I forgot to post the other day about my 1/2 day hot "flash". I haven't had many hot flashes...most of the time it's just been a warm sensation, not much more. I can't remember what day it was this week-I think Tuesday. Anyway, I woke up hot and stayed that way most of the work day. WOW! Never broke a sweat (I'm not much of a sweater) but man, it was WARM!!! I felt like I was on the beach in Mexico!!!

Still have the "icks". I have this general nauseated feeling on and off. It feels better when I am eating (so I am fooled into continuing), but, about an hour later it returns. I continue to hope maybe this is just nothing, and that this is definitely not a sign of another cyst. Last time I felt this way 2 months later I ended up in a CT scan. Boooooooooooooo!!!

I need to start back exercising. This week and the last have been VERY busy-I don't know where the time has gone! I really think it helped with my symptoms-mostly the HORRID mood swings I continue to have. That was much more regulated with the regular/consistent exercise. I just know I am driving my husband crazy-I'm driving myself crazy!!!

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Icky days

For the past few days I've been having "that feeling" that I had back in October when this all started-early satiety and nausea-just an all over ill feeling. I noticed Monday evening during an Alumni event I was participating in, I got a sharp pain on my right side. These were all my symptoms what seems SO long ago-all relating to the giant cyst on my ovary. I pray that the cyst has NOT returned (I knew before that was one thing that couldn't be stopped by the meds-slowed, but not stopped-if it had already begun to re-grow). I hope we caught it soon enough after surgery. Maybe these are side effects from the 2nd shot? On the label it does say that "nausea/vomiting" are a "common" side effect. So, who knows. If these symptoms persist, I will be asking my OBGYN to take a "peek" at what's going on with an ultrasound at my next visit (scheduled for the end of the month).

I'm exhausted and about to nap-exhaustion has been pretty bad this week, but, I've also been REALLY busy. So, that doesn't really help. I've got my schedule clear next week so I can chill. ::insert sigh of relief here::

Monday, May 5, 2008

Decent weekend

It was a decent weekend here. I lazied around a lot Friday evening. Saturday we volunteered for a golf tournament that was in town. That was really hard work. I was a bit sore the next day, but, nothing awful. Sunday was another pretty lazy day, nothing too straining. I did have a bit of a temper tantrum Sunday evening, laying out the f bomb 3 times in front of my grandmother (something I would have NEVER done without these "fits" I have). That is still my worst symptom. Makes me feel crazy! That and my finger pain and tiredness-it still lingers. I noticed the other day my ring finger was really swollen. I continue to take the aygestin, osteoprime and fish oil, and an occasional xanax to chill when I feel so out of sorts.

Friday, May 2, 2008

All shot up

So, I got my 2nd shot on Weds. I've had family in town this week, so, very limited computer access. I had a different nurse this time-just the "nurse of the day" that was in charge of shots I guess. Anyway, I stood up this time instead of laying down. It pinched a bit more, and, on the way home my leg was a little sore. That cleared up until about 9 PM Weds evening. Then, it started feeling like someone had kicked me in the a$$ with a steel toed boot (6). It's diminished throughout the past few days(4), but, it's still sore with certain movements, and, I can't put all my weight on that side when I sit down. I'm laying down next time, and, I want my old nurse!!! Not that it probably had anything to do with the nurse, but, I'm just saying.

I've had maybe hot flashes the past 2 nights? Both happened in Target, both at the same time in the evening-around 9 PM. I dunno if Target was just particularly warm, or, if it was me. Seems like it was me...my mom wasn't fanning herself. It's not awful, sweating type flashes (3-4). I just get really hot all over. WHEW! It's happened once or twice at work too.

Bone pain increased in my fingers (ranges from 3-5), my left ring finger in particular for some reason. This happened last time, but, seemed to taper over time. I've been having some tummy pains-colon/digestive related. I haven't been eating very well lately-we were without a stove for a few days, and, with company in town, we are eating out a lot.

POOPED again too. I think I have been spreading myself too thin this week. So much for resting tomorrow. We've volunteered for a golf tournament for most of the day, so, I'll try to get some rest this evening. It should be a nice day tomorrow, but, not looking forward to being on my feet for that many hours.