I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!

Monday, August 30, 2010

We are quite the topic of conversation

Or, so with my Reproductive Clinic it seems.  I got a random call from one of the nurses last week and she said that we were discussed at "conference" on Weds.  Conference is a gathering of minds in the respective field to go over "tricky" cases or to get mutiple opinions on courses of treatment.  I told her I felt quite special that we were presented.  LOL.  Mostly appreciative, really.  The discussion was on how to get my lining to thicken up, especially in the wake of my newest, short, weird cycles.  Verdict?  Prep as almost as if we were doing a full blown IVF, but, with just a transfer procedure at the end.  So, essentially, a few more drugs in the normal FET regimen.  I'll start out with BC (well, for me, Aygestin), then Lupron, Gonal F, etc, etc, etc.  I need to talk to my insurance company to see if I have any more drug allowance.  That'll really be the deal breaker for us.  We've already paid up front for a normal FET cycle.  With a few more ultrasound vists and more drugs....I just need to make sure that aspect is covered.  So, not sure when, or if, this plan will take place.  But, it's nice to feel thought of.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


22 day cycle. WHAT is going on?!?!?! Last month it was 24...maybe. Now, 22?!?!? What happened to my 28-31 day cycles? 22 days?!?! That's not long enough for anything to happen! Last period was only 2 days too of flow. Not that I am complaining about that, but, it's VERY unusual for me.

Thoughts? Ponder with me...

I am going to call the RE tomorrow and see what they say.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Odds and Ends

I never read...ever. But, I finally picked up a copy of "Silent Sorority" (by Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos). Amazing! It isn't a light hearted, easy read. Nor does it have the "happy" ending that we, as infertiles, long for. I use happy in quotes only because I mean the "we got pregnant after all these years" type of ending, not as in she isn't happy in her life. She seems to be and I really liked how she shared all those transition points in her life. It's real and raw and I really appreciated the honesty. Although I am one of those still on the journey, I really was able to relate to a lot of things she wrote about and it really helped open my mind and my heart. Thank you Pam, for sharing, and for helping reiterating the importance of sharing my journey with others, especially those near to me and to help increase the understanding out there about this wild ride.

I think I mentioned this before, that I attended a local meeting a few weeks ago on infertility. I learned about it from talking to girl (gasp! haha!) in the waiting room at the RE's office. She learned about it through the RESOLVE website. Which, by the way is an awesome website. AND, speaking of RESOLVE, we are walking in this years "Walk of Hope" in Atlanta, GA to help raise awareness for infertility. I'm proud to be taking a part in this event, and even have enlisted some friends to come with us. It's very exciting and I cannot wait until September! If you would like to be a virtual walker with us, please sign up at http://www.resolve.org/get-involved/ready-set-walk.html. Our team name is (Infertility) "What they didn't teach you in sex-ed" (don't type in the part in the parenthesis..it's too long for the field).

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Infertility Research

I've been attending some infertility support groups that I found on the RESOLVE website http://www.resolve.org/ and from our meeting I learned about the following research study I want to share with you. Please take a few minutes (I think it took me about 5 minutes to complete) and check this out!

Infertility Research Study

Be part of an important infertility research study!

Are you between 18 and 45 years of age?

Are you currently receiving treatment for infertility?

If you answered YES to these questions, you may be eligible to participate in a research study evaluating the impact of infertility treatment.

The purpose of this research study is to investigate the impact of infertility treatment on the emotional well-being of women.

Participants are being asked to complete a brief survey available online or in paper form. Your participation will benefit the areas of medicine and counseling as well as other women and couples experiencing infertility. If you would like to take the survey online just click on this link (http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/infertility). If you would prefer a paper copy please contact me. This study is being conducted by Heather Hanney, a doctoral candidate in the Counselor Education department of the University of Florida.

Please contact Heather Hanney at 561-318-8299 or hlh1@ufl.edu for further information.

Monday, August 2, 2010


Sometimes I wish there was a rewind button.  A year ago today was our transfer of two beautiful embryo's, one of which grew into a beautiful life inside of me for the next 18 weeks.  It's hard to believe that one year ago today I was pregnant.  Anxious and blissfully excited about the future.  I feel painfully empty today. Time does not heal all wounds.  We move forward in our journey together, but not without some scars that will never go away.  They may not be visible to those around us, but, they are our silent reminders of our son and the life we prepared for during those 4 1/2 months.