I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!





Monday, August 2, 2010

Rewind?

Sometimes I wish there was a rewind button.  A year ago today was our transfer of two beautiful embryo's, one of which grew into a beautiful life inside of me for the next 18 weeks.  It's hard to believe that one year ago today I was pregnant.  Anxious and blissfully excited about the future.  I feel painfully empty today. Time does not heal all wounds.  We move forward in our journey together, but not without some scars that will never go away.  They may not be visible to those around us, but, they are our silent reminders of our son and the life we prepared for during those 4 1/2 months.

9 comments:

cgd said...

I am so sorry as you think about all the should have beens. I agree that time does heal some wounds but not all and we are left with scars, bumps, and bruises.
sending love your way,

Sonja said...

*hugs* Thinking of you.

AnnaMarie said...

It's incredible to think that so much love and loss happened in just one year. I totally agree, time does not heal all wounds; there are some wounds that become easier because you learn how to live with them.

I'm sorry the anniversary of transferring your embryo's is a sad one rather than a celebration of the day your children first entered your life.

Roxanne said...

So sorry. My heart breaks for you. Sending you tons of love and hugs!!

Open Air said...

It just aches, doesn't it? Thinking of you today and your beautiful boy.

Mita said...

Hi, I've been following your blog since last November, when I lost both my tubes because of stage IV endo.

My thoughts have been with you, your husband and Wyatt this past year.

All I can say is I believe you and your husband will have healthy babies one day soon, and they will *always* have Wyatt watching out for them. When they smile at you, Wyatt love for you all will shine through too.

Jeanne said...

Allison,

I'm sorry.

Jeanne

Ebe said...

I'm so sorry your precious one is not here with you. Hurting with you today.

ebe

Charlotte said...

So sorry for your bumpy journey!! thinking of you and I pray for your strength!!!!