I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Where did I go???

I came to blog this morning and noticed my account had been messed with, so blogger temporarily disabled my account! CRAZY!!!

Things here are busy and wonderful. I can, however, tell that my cycle is about to start. Maybe not, but, I've been having those familiar pangs in my ovaries and occasional cramping. I'm SO nervous about having my period. More nervous that I was no push out a baby!!! How sad is that? Thanks endo, for making me dread almost every month!!!

I still haven't made a decision on the BC. Thank you to all that have responded. I just can't decide what is right and what I am ready for. The thought of going back on something to help keep me from getting pregnant absolutely blows my mind. But, I know it's also not just about that...but about suppression of my endo...whether it be lurking right away or not.

I don't know where my life is heading as far as endo goes, but, I know I will always be vigilant. And, I'm sorry, but I just dont believe something like that can GO AWAY. I believe it can get better...but, will I ever be rid of this disease? With my experience in the medical field...I am doubtful.

I hope to be posting more regularly and checking in on my blogroll folks!!! Been thinking about you all, even if I haven't posted to say so.


Open Air said...

Yay! You're back! I went to your blog yesterday, and I thought you had deleted your account! Just want you to know you were missed. :)
I know what you mean about using BC. It seems so counterintuitive for those of us who have had infertility, but, as you said, there are other reasons for it as well. Glad to know you're back and doing well. :)

Jennifer said...

Hey there! I'm definitely looking forward to your comeback :). I hope you, hubby, and Connor are doing well.

I know a tough day is coming up and I just wanted to let you know that Wyatt isn't forgotten. I just wanted to let you know that he's remembered and thought about. It's weird because we don't know each other IRL, but I think about him and everything that you and your family had to go through quite often.

Anonymous said...

OH that dreaded first period!! Everyone I know says their first one was horrendous and as Endo makes them bad t begin with I dread to think what ours will be like! I keep thinking mine is coming as I keep getting that nausea and those "not quite thee but enough to notice" cramps that usually signals the onset of my period in a few more days. But so far nothing has come of them. So I'm thinking of you xx

Kelly said...

Hi, I just found your blog today and I also have stage 4. I look forward to reading.

Nicole said...

You've definitely been missed!