I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Here's another hell-of-a ride...(A tale of citalopram)

I've decided the time has come to come off my SSRI (Citalopram, generic for Celexa) that I was taking for post partum depression.  I started out two weeks ago halving my 10mg pill.  Then I 1/4thed it for 1/2 a week.  I've been completely off the pill since Saturday of last week (Friday was my last).

This sucks.

Let me back up by saying that after I had my son, I was extremely weepy, dizzy and exhausted ALL THE TIME.  Not the normal, holy crap I haven't slept exhaustion.  Something different.  I struggled with this for about 4 months, and, finally they diagnosed my PPD.  I went on citalopram and things got better, slowly.  About 18 months after having my son, I was finally feeling normal about 90% of the time.  But, I did have some weird visual side effects and ZERO sex drive.  After being on the Citalopram for a little over a year, I was ready to be back to being drug free.  All those years of hormones to NOT conceive, then all the hormones over the years TO conceive, then the citalopram-I was over it all.

So, fast forward to today.  5 days off citalopram.  Here's how it's gone so far:
Day 1- "Wall of exhaustion" right after I ate lunch.  A feeling like I needed to curl up in a ball and take a good 2 hour nap or so.  It passed within a few hours
Day2- Felt great all day, until about 7PM when the exhaustion was so bad I literally couldn't do anything but sit on the couch.  A very strange feeling indeed. 
Day3- Woke up and felt like I hadn't slept at all (after 8 hours of sleep!).  That feeling combined with a foggy out of body floating feeling lasted until after lunch that day.  In the meantime I phoned my Dr.'s office to give them the scoop.  THe Dr.'s advise was that it should get better within the next 3-4 days, and if it didn't or it got worse, that I would need to be seen.
Day 4- MUCH better.  Woke up exhausted again, but, the feeling shook around 1130.  Imagine my excitement.  The fatigue returned around 6 that night and lasted another good hour.
Day 5-Felt tired upon waking, but, pretty normal until around 1145.  It's now 1 and I'm feeling slightly better, but, still blah.

Sometimes the exhaustion is a shakey feeling.  Sometimes it's dizzy.  Sometimes it's all things combined.

Of course these withdrawal symtpoms are doing NOTHING for my generalized anxiety.  "Will I ever feel normal again?  I just got to feeling at my best, why did I do this to myself.  Maybe I should go back on.  Is this what the rest of my life looks like".  This is how my brain is thinking right now...which doesn't help the other symptoms I'm having.

I wanted to share here to see if anyone had similar experiences coming of a SSRI, and if anyone could tell me how long this will last.  Dr. says this week.  I find that hard to believe.  A co-worker said her dizzy spells lasted around a month.  Other places say months.

I'm just scared and mad.  I don't want to go back on these pills though.  They got me through a dark time in my life and I really did need them.  But, I want my brain back.  I want my enery back.  I've got an amazing 19 month old to chase after and to adore...I dont have time for this!


Rebecca said...

I've been on a SSRI before and it can take up to two weeks to feel more normal. Baby steps.

allen solly said...

Nice Post!! Thanks for sharing with us Endometriosi can affect women from the first menstruation and exceptionally even before the first menstrual cycle in childhood, usually by the time of her first period to menopause, although after 40 years the growth of endometrial tissue outside the uterine cavity this seems slower .