I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

A year in review

March 20, 2009. My 2nd laparoscopy. Going in I was scared out of my mind-I had a urologist, GI surgeon and my RE on hand for the procedure. I woke up, and the first question on my mind was if I still had my colon fully in tact. I did, thankfully. Although it was (still is) adhered to the back of my uterus, it was too risky to my reproductive system to un-glue. Preservation of fertility was the name of the game. A new family was in sight. We had plans...dreams...ambitions!

After my scary skin reaction/infection (which still to this day bothers me) and a hysteroscopy in the books, it was time to move forward! Two "successful" IVF procedures-1 "chemical" pregnancy and 1 premature delivery later, here we are, March 20, 2010 with empty arms and a hole left in our hearts.

I feel stuck in time. Yet, it's moving quickly past. As we prepare for the next step in our journey to become parents, we can't help but to look beyond the immediate plans and wonder about life if things don't work out as we hope they do.

Same sh*t, different day...different year.


Jennifer said...

I really hope not, I hope and pray that this year is completely, and blissfully different, than last year. You deserve some sunshine, happiness, and dreams come true.

Jeanne said...


I remember all of the complications you went through after your last surgery. :(

I am so sorry for all of the heartbreak you've had since then. :(

Just know that I'm thinking of you!


Amanda and Tim said...

It has been a hell of a year for you and I cannot believe that I have been following your blog for that long, and yet so much has happened it seems like twice that time at least!

Thinking of you and continuing to keep you in my thoughts


(p.s. my word verification is "forks" today... I'm definitely at a fork in the road, are you by any chance?!)

Nic said...

Here's to same shit, different day, different year.....
I'm sorry your arms are empty. I hope they won't be for much longer.
'is my colon intact' was the first question I asked after my 3rd lap! They had removed the adhesions from colon and uterus, I'm concerned it has affected my fertility.
I hope we get our dream soon
take care x

Mo and Will said...

What a year it's been for you. Just checking in and saying hi. Thinking of you. Hoping that 2010 blows the socks off of 2009. Mo

JellyBelly said...

Sending you hugs and prayers. I'm so sorry that this year has been so difficult for you.

KD said...

Did you have endo in your rectal tissue at all? I am wondering becuase you mention a GI specialist... I had a lap 3 weeks ago and I am wondering if anyone's experience has been as excruciating as mine has been with recovery! I have a recent blog post about it...