I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!





Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Today was supposed to be filled with eager anticipation

I just realized that today was the day that we were supposed to be at the high risk OB office for our anatomy scan and cervical check. I had taken 1/2 the day off for this appointment. Today we should be getting the awesome scan of his heart and brain and parts that we had too early. Today was the day we were supposed to get the results of the gender tucked neatly away in an envelope or box to open next week at Christmas together as a family. Today was supposed to be another new day of possibilities. Instead, today is filled with more heartache.

17 comments:

Heather said...

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. My heart aches for you. I think about you and your DH all the time. Take care.

callmemama said...

I've used Natural Calm for years - it's a calcium magnesium powder that you add to water or juice.
http://www.calmnatural.com/naturalcalm

It works pretty well for me. Just be careful of the dose - you want to start out with a "less is more" approach. If you use too much it will be obvious, b/c you'll have loose stools...

So sorry you're having trouble sleeping. I think you're right and as much as you're able to shut out the thoughts and feelings during the day, they won't leave you alone at night. Have you considered therapy? It might help just to have someone to talk to or work through some of your emotions.

Thinking about you...

E. Phantzi said...

I am so sorry about your loss. No parent should have to endure losing their child. I wish I could fix it all for you. (here from Lushary)

allisyn said...

i'm praying for peace for you and DH...it's got to be one of the most difficult things to go through...i love yall and think about u everyday!

Barefoot said...

Thinking of you on this impossible day.

Nic said...

I am sorry that today was meant to be a joyful day and instead so heart breaking.
There is nothing I can do or say to take this away or make you feel better. Just letting you know that we are all thinking of you and are here for you.
x

Sonja said...

Thinking of you *hugs*

Eileen said...

My heart breaks for you girl. I wish there was something we could all say to make it any easier, but I know there isn't. Just know that you are on our minds at this difficult time.

Christa said...

((BIG HUG))

cowgirltn said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

J said...

((big hugs)) and hoping tomorrow is a better day.

waitinginline said...

I can't begin to understand what you're going through and how awful and painful this is. I am thinking of you and praying for peace and healing. (((hugs)))

annacyclopedia said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I will be thinking of you along with all babylost mamas that I know this Christmas season.

From LFCA

Aunt Becky said...

Sending you love and light. I'm so very sorry.

Jeanne said...

Allison,

I'm so sorry. :(

Jeanne

Julia said...

I am sorry.

Yaya said...

You're on my mind and in my prayers every day.
(((Hugs)))