3 Weeks

And the countdown continues. I just realized Christmas DAY will be 5 weeks since we lost our son. So strange to think if he had made it just to Christmas, this might be a different life we are living. Who knows though. You can't drive yourself insane with the what if's. It doesn't change anything. I really try to desperately push those thoughts out of my mind. I can't, however, stop imagining how things would have been with our sweet angel here on earth with us.

Sleep still continues to elude me some. My husband and I were both up very late last night/early this morning. No sleep+anxiety does not make for a pleasant Allison. I am going to try to nap here in a bit. Might as well get it where I can!

We have an apt set up with the RE. We aren't ready to make any decisions right now, but, just wanted to sit down and talk with her about what our options might be next year. And, to start keeping tabs on this endometrioma. I'm very down thinking about our "options". We have maxed out on the fertility coverage with our insurance; and I can't switch to mine until 2011 because the "Open Enrollment" period is over for both my company and my husbands. So, no coverage for 2010 on fertility treatments. I don't know where this will put us. We do have two beauties in the freezer. I know FET's can be considerably cheaper, so, we will most likely look into this if needed. I guess we'll need to sit down with the financial counselor as well and start to crunch numbers.

So, just want to stay ahead of the game and go ahead and talk with my RE. I also want to see about some testing on this loss. My OB said it wasn't necessary because there wasn't a "demise" of the baby per-se. My water broke, that's why there wasn't any fluid, and that's why Wyatt didn't make it (even though it hasn't been determined WHY it all happened and what was up with my ever growing hematoma despite the constant bleeding). It wasn't as if we went in with everything had been honkey dorey the rest of the pregnancy and then all of a sudden there was no heartbeat. Apparently that is a different story? That and this was my "first" loss (my other was a "chemical"-I hate that term). They usually do these tests after two losses. Um, I'm sorry, a 2nd trimester loss is a big deal. The statistics on losing your baby in the 2nd trimester and after is SOOOOOOOO very low. So, why isn't this a bigger deal? Anyway, I believe that my RE will agree with me...and, if not, I may like her explanation better. All I am asking for is a blood test!!! We'll see.

We miss you Wyatt. Thank you for touching our hearts and our lives.