I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!





Tuesday, November 23, 2010

POAS?

Today I am 7dp5dFET (12dp"o").  Technically the HCG shot should be out of my system and I could start POAS.  But, I just can't do it.  Why?  There are several reasons.  The biggest reason is that pregnancy test sticks are EVIL.  I've only seen a positive pregnancy test once...that was about 7 weeks into my last pregnancy when I started bleeding.  Other than that, there are never two lines.  There is never "pregnant" staring me back in the face.  It's too much rejection!  Expensive rejection!!
 
Another reason is our experience with a "chemical" pregnancy.  So what if it says "Pregnant".  Am I really?  Only for a few days?  I want to see the numbers...if there are numbers to be seen.  I need the cold hard facts.  Maybe that's the researcher in me.
 
Then, there's the fact that Thanksgiving is a mere 2 days away.  We didn't so much have a good Thanksgiving last year.  I spent the majority of the evening in the ER with post partum bleeding that was eventually remedied with a D&C.  We want to enjoy the holiday, blissfully ignorant of our results.  We are going to be with family and friends all weekend.  If we needed time to be to ourselves, there wouldn't be much time for that.  We will count our blessings and be thankful that we have even been given this opportunity.  And to continue to be thankful for the things that we do have in our lives.
 
So, I will try to not drive myself insane (sometimes that's hard, lol), wondering what's going on in there.  I do have a few symptoms, but, those could very easily be attributed to the progesterone and estrogen that I am on.  I just have to trust that if there is something beautiful happening inside of me, right now, I am doing all that I can do. 

15 comments:

Nic said...

pee sticks are evil. I think I will never POAS again. That may be an exageration, but I HATE them!

I agree, have a happy thanksgiving and then see what it says after woth the numbers!

x

Ashley said...

Don't do it!!!! Okay, you can if you want, but I have done it both ways and just waiting for the beta was a much better choice for me. I POAS'd the first IVF and then I had to be upset for 3 days and still drive 2 hours to go get my beta. It was horrible. I'd just really rather hear bad news once...or maybe not at all!!! Good luck to you!!!! Hope your news is good regardless of how you hear it.

Courtney said...

whew you are stronger than I am!! I am a poas addict though :). Did you have a shot of hcg at all? That always complicates things too...

Your symptoms (a few posts down) sound promising!

allisyn said...

hope you have an awesome thanksgiving!

erin said...

i totally see where you are coming from. but i can't wait to see you this week..and hopefully celebrate an amazing result for this waiting game soon.

amanda claire said...

I am wishing so hard for the beautiful outcome you are hoping for... and I hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving while you wait for your results xx

AnnaMarie said...

Good luck being patient! Wishing lovely things for you. Enjoy your holiday :)

kanitzsche said...

Well I say don't POAS, probably because I'm a chicken. I HATE those stupid things.

Thinking of you and praying for positive beta

KC said...

I am allergic to poas. It makes me break out in hives followed by tears. I hope I have the will-power to make it to my beta because I seriously hate those things. I hope you have lots of distractions and support this Thanksgiving!

KC said...

Thanks for the post on my blog. I didn't know it was possible to be a slow stimmer so I feel better that you have experienced it. I am just scared that you retrieval will be cancelled if I don't start producing more follicles soon. I have another ultra sound tomorrow so fingers crossed for a huge increase.
Thanks again,
KC

Jeanne said...

Allison,

I can certainly understand why you want to wait. I hope you have the most peaceful Thanksgiving possible and that time flies by until you can get a definitive answer.

Jeanne

J said...

Stay strong!! Can't wait to hear some good news in a few days! Have a Happy Turkey Day :)

Mrs. Misfits said...

Hi! Swinging in on a vine from ICLW and returning the comments.

Evil pee sticks, indeed. I think your game plan is sound and you ought to enjoy Thanksgiving without letting any thought of this mess tinge that. Holidays are HARD enough without making them worse. But, there are not bad decisions here. Knowing is one kind of comfort as well. Hang in there. Everything is crossed for you and sending you great thoughts for next week.

Marianne said...

Have a great Thanksgiving and kudos for avoiding the evil sticks!

Di said...

Returning your ICLW visit and following now. I so hope this will be your BFP. I also hated POAS and I even hated POAS for ovulation tests! Good luck and have a wonderful Thanksgiving!