...and, I could just VOMIT thinking about it.
I'm VERY nervous about how the day will go tomorrow and throughout the week. I don't know what to expect. Everyone there knows I was pregnant...everyone. I was 18 weeks. Of COURSE people knew.
A lot of my co-workers have been fabulous during this time. Many brought food over to our house during the first three weeks after we lost Wyatt. They sent cards, flowers, and special gifts. But, even with as amazing as most of my co-workers are, there are always those few. Heck, even being amazing doesn't mean you won't say something stupid.
And, as much as I am afraid of people saying something stupid, I'm more afraid of people just completely ignoring what happened. I need recognition of Wyatt. He is my first born. My son. I don't want people just pretending he never existed and that I haven't just gone through something very traumatizing in my life. Most of the people my husband works with pretty much ignored everything and just pretended that life was honkey dorey. Yes, life goes on, but, that doesn't mean we want to pretend the past isn't our past.
So, here I am. Anxious as hell and wondering what these next 5 days will bring. I know I will survive. I know eventually it'll all feel "normal" again (a new normal). I can and will do this and carry on. But, just because I am carrying on from the outside, doesn't mean that the hurt isn't there on the inside.
#MicroblogMondays 143: Boots
1 day ago