Endometriosis, Infertility, Miscarriage and Life in general
I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!
November 20th- Our son Wyatt Landry was born into this world and carried into heaven by angels. We were 18 weeks pregnant.
September 14th- Hematoma found in uterus
September 4th-Heard heartbeat for the first time. WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!
POSITIVE BETA!!!
August 1st- ET (2 of the 3 beauties)-other embie makes it to freezer
July 30th-ER (5 eggs=3 healthy embies)
July 8th-IVF#2 starts with Lu.pron
June 3- Start period/miscarriage
May 29- Confirmed failing pregnancy
May 25- positive BETA!
May 16- Remaining Embie makes it to blastocyst stage and is FROZEN!
May 14- TRANSFER 2 embies
May 11-Egg Retrieval; 7 eggs, 4 mature, 3 fertilized with ICSI
April 22-Start IVF (#1) process!
April 17-Hysteroscopy (3 polyps removed from uterus)
April 15- "Mock Transfer"; found a polyp
March 20: 2nd laparoscopy
Jan 27: Follie scan-endometrium not thick enough. Dr. called and wants to talk surgery because of ever-growing endometrioma
Jan 19: Start Femara, 5 days
2008
Dec. 24: Start Femara, 5 days
August 30: First cycle post Lupron!
July 31: Endoscopy for nausea
July 25: Decline shot #5; start to taper off Lupron
March 31: First Lupron administration
March 13: Colonoscopy; endo adhesions causing recent "issues"
Feb 6: Laparscopy discovered Stage IV Endometriosis
2007
April- Stopped BC
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Thoughts and prayers are needed
We found out today that at some point between last week and this week I've lost all my amniotic fluid around the baby. It happened some time when I was bleeding and we just didn't know. Tomorrow I will deliver my 18 week old baby via induction and we will say goodbye. Please pray for us during this time as we are going through this process and this loss.
I have been enjoying reading your blog for months now and following you on your journey. I am in shock after reading your news. I know there is nothing that could ever take the pain of this loss away, but I am so very sorry and I will be praying for you and your husband. Please take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing when you can.
Oh my gosh. I am so so so sorry. I can't believe this is happening to you. I'm in tears. No one deserves this, especially you and your husband. I will be thinking about you and praying for you and your husband. ((HUGS))
I have been following your journey for a few months now and was overjoyed to see a fellow endo sister make it to the other side. I too am so shocked that this has happened. I am deeply sorry for your pain and agony. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your husband. (((HUGS)))
I posted on your FB but I am so incredibly sorry. My heart is breaking for you and your husband right now. Please take care of yourself. You will be in my thoughts and prayers ((((hugs))))
Words can not express how sorry I am to read this news! I can not imagine the pain you must be experiencing now and will continue to experience in the days to come. No one should have to experience such a tragedy, especially not someone who has already been through so much. Please know that my thoughts are with you during this time.
I have been following your journey for a few weeks as I started on my own endo journey. I am so sorry for your loss... you will be in my thoughts and prayers this week as you go through this incredibly tough journey. I wish I had more words for you right now.
came over from Allison's blog. I am so terribly sorry to hear about your pain! Truly I am. I have suffered delivering our 3 children due to losing my amniotic fluid. I feel your heart and know it is hurting. I know there are no words that will help so I am praying for you that you will feel HIS peace in this time!
Allison, I know I left you a post on fb and your other blog, but I have been thinking about you all night and just can't stop the tears. I want you to know people are thinking of you and praying. I am so, so sorry. I hope that Baby D meets my angel up there. I remember how horrible it was to experience loss and I would consider your situation about a million times more difficult. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you will smile again, and laugh again. The heart breaks, but God will heal your pain. Please don't give up. Daniel and I are sending you hugs and will continue to pray for you daily. Love, Lauren
I am so so so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to comprehend the emotions you and DH are going through, but just know you are in my prayers.
I read Eisleen's blog about what you are going through. I will be following your journey. I know we are all strangers, but through this journey we are friends and sisters. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you during this difficult time.
I am so very sorry! I can not imagine the pain of this loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I am overcome with sadness and grief for you all.
I'm here through a friend's blog, and I just wanted to express my deepest sympathy for your loss. You and your husband will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I can't express how incredibly sorry I am for what you are going through. I came across your blog in a round about way yesterday. Although I have not been following your entire journey my heart does ache so much for you and it was no accident I came across your blog.
I lost twin daughters, Faith and Avery, on May 9th (22 weeks) due to losing the fluid around Faith at 19 weeks. I have been in the valley where you are walking. I have been there and I can relate to the heaviness in your heart and the ache in your soul. I will be praying for you. I know how hard this journey will be, but I also know that God will be with you every step of the way. I pray you find comfort in Him.
I've been through two early losses, which I know can't compare to what you're going through now. Life can just be so unfair sometimes (and to those of us suffering from IF, it seems like it's damn unfair all the time). I'm so sorry to hear that after all of the battles you faced so far, you now have to deal with what sounds like PPROM and the loss of your baby. I wish you a calm delivery in a supportive environment. I hope they do everything they can to make this time a little bit easier for you, and that you're given the opportunity to see your baby if you choose to. Hugs.
came over from LFCA....*huge hugs* I lost my son at 18 weeks and your story sounds similar to mine because I went into the ER bleeding to find out I lost all the fluid in his sac. I am praying for healing for you at this time.
I just found your site via YaYa's facebook page. I am in tears for you and your husband and your baby... I am so sorry, so, so, sorry. I am wrapping my virtual arms around you and hugging so hard...
Eileen sent me here...I'm so so very sorry for your loss. I don't understand why these things happen and I never will. This makes me so sad for you and your family. I'm saying a special prayer for you.
My heart goes out to you and your husband. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Words are useless at a time like this. If you need anything, let the blog world know and we are here to help and support you in any way we can.
I am so sorry honey! I have been silently following your blog on and off and I can't believe this is happening! Our prayers are with you! You both are in our thoughts! {HUGS}
Blessed sister, beautiful one with broken wings. Your journey is a difficult one that no mother should have to endure. Your path is steep, rocky and slippery and your tender heart is in need of gentle healing.
Breathe deeply and know that you are loved. You are not alone, though at times, you will feel like a desolate island of grief untouchable distant. Close your eyes. Seek the wisdom of women who have walked this well-worn path before you, before, and before, and before you yourself were born. These beautiful ones with eyes like yours have shared your pain, and weathered the storms of loss.
You are not alone (breathe in) You will go on (breathe out) Your wings will mend (breathe in) You are loved (breathe out) ~ Mary Burgess
I am here via LFCA. I am very, very sorry. My thoughts are with you today. We also lost a child - our first child - after years of infertility. I can too vividly imagine what you are going through today. I wish you peace and healing.
Oh I am so sorry. I know there is nothing to say, nothing that will help but a rewind and undo. but here I am, a complete stranger sending love because more than anything, I wish you peace. And I have no idea how you will travel from here to there. So I send love and hope for you during this incredibly difficult transition. I will be holding you and your sweetie gently in my heart.
I hold you in my heart tonight. I am so so so incredibly sorry for your loss. This is so unfair and there are simply not enough words in the world to explain my sorrow for you at this time.
3.5 years ago I lost my baby boy at 21 weeks after premature membrane rupture and loss of all fluid. there are no words. I am just so sorry and wishing you and your husband peace and healing during this heartbreaking time.
This is unimaginably sad. I am so sorry that you have to experience this. Being infertile is one thing, but losing a half-won battle is killing. So sorry....My wishes are with you and your husband, and your dear baby.
I'm so terribly sorry. There is nothing else any of us can say, except that far too many of us have struggled too hard and long to get pregnant only to suffer a loss. If only everyone here could carry a little bit of that pain away...if only we could go back in time and change everything.
I just found your blog and I am so very sorry for your loss. I am praying for peace and healing for you and your husband. Please know that I care. ~ Yaya
I am so sorry you have to experience this pain. My husband and I went through something similar very recently, and am willing to listen if you are interested in talking. You and I were just days apart in our pregnancy - we lost our little girl at 14+ wks.
101 comments:
I have been enjoying reading your blog for months now and following you on your journey. I am in shock after reading your news. I know there is nothing that could ever take the pain of this loss away, but I am so very sorry and I will be praying for you and your husband. Please take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing when you can.
:( :( :( :(
NO :( :(
I am so sorry. :( :(
Could you please email me your address?
yayaorangenanny@yahoo.com
Oh my gosh. I am so so so sorry. I can't believe this is happening to you. I'm in tears. No one deserves this, especially you and your husband. I will be thinking about you and praying for you and your husband. ((HUGS))
I have been following your journey for a few months now and was overjoyed to see a fellow endo sister make it to the other side. I too am so shocked that this has happened. I am deeply sorry for your pain and agony. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your husband. (((HUGS)))
oh honey... I am so sorry...i'll be praying...
Allison,
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so very sorry.
Jeanne
I posted on your FB but I am so incredibly sorry. My heart is breaking for you and your husband right now. Please take care of yourself. You will be in my thoughts and prayers ((((hugs))))
I am so so sorry, no words can express the sadness. This is such a shock. I am praying for you.
Words can not express how sorry I am to read this news! I can not imagine the pain you must be experiencing now and will continue to experience in the days to come. No one should have to experience such a tragedy, especially not someone who has already been through so much. Please know that my thoughts are with you during this time.
I'm so sorry. There are no words.
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You will be in my prayers. If you ever need someone to talk to you can e-mail me @ iamamommy at att . net.
We just lost our daughter on October 10th, I so wish that you didnt have to join our babyloss world.
Allison
Thinking of you and praying! Sending hugs!
I am so very sorry to hear this news. I will send you much love and strength tomorrow, and I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so very sorry. I know my words can't help but I am praying for you and your family.
I am so so sorry. I'll be praying for you guys. Keep close to family during this time, rely on them.
this really is just the worst news ever, i want to cry, i am so sorry.
:( :( :( :(
Oh no!! :( I'm so sorry! :( :(
Thinking of you both! ((hugs))
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your husband. many, many hugs.
I'm so sorry. My heart just completely dropped. You are absolutely in my prayers.
I am so sorry. Praying for you and your husband.
I'm so sorry honey.
I have no idea what to say. Extra prayers for you tonight.
I have been following your journey for a few weeks as I started on my own endo journey. I am so sorry for your loss... you will be in my thoughts and prayers this week as you go through this incredibly tough journey. I wish I had more words for you right now.
(hugs)
I am so sorry.
My heart is breaking for you.
:(
Please know that you are in my thoughts.
Sass
I am so so sorry. Praying for you :(
(((HUGS)))
My thoughts and prayers are with both of you right now. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself.
Your blog was the first IVF/Endo blog I came across and you and your husbands journey has given strength to me and my husband.
We are both shocked and so sorry. Our prayers are with you both and your families.
My belief is that Little D will always be watching over you and will be a guardian angel to your family.
came over from Allison's blog. I am so terribly sorry to hear about your pain! Truly I am. I have suffered delivering our 3 children due to losing my amniotic fluid. I feel your heart and know it is hurting. I know there are no words that will help so I am praying for you that you will feel HIS peace in this time!
Allison,
I know I left you a post on fb and your other blog, but I have been thinking about you all night and just can't stop the tears. I want you to know people are thinking of you and praying. I am so, so sorry. I hope that Baby D meets my angel up there. I remember how horrible it was to experience loss and I would consider your situation about a million times more difficult. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you will smile again, and laugh again. The heart breaks, but God will heal your pain. Please don't give up. Daniel and I are sending you hugs and will continue to pray for you daily.
Love,
Lauren
I am so so so sorry. Reading this put me in tears. I am praying for you and your husband. I really am very sorry.
Oh no!!!!!!!!! My heart is just breaking for you. You and your husband have my prayers at this difficult time. *BIG HUGS*
Oh I am so, so sorry for your loss and will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, of course I will. Take extra good care of yourself xx
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family.
(via Eileen's blog)
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family.
(via Eileen's blog)
Here through a friend and I am so very sorry. I have had 2 losses, but neither as far along as you. My heart is with you. {{{HUGS}}}
I am so very sorry.
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. You're in my thoughts.
I'm so sorry and sad for you.
:(
I am so sorry.
My heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
I am so so so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to comprehend the emotions you and DH are going through, but just know you are in my prayers.
I read Eisleen's blog about what you are going through. I will be following your journey. I know we are all strangers, but through this journey we are friends and sisters. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you during this difficult time.
I'm so sorry! I've been following for a while as well and I'm heartbroken for you guys!
((hugs))
I came her via Sonja's blog. I am so deeply sorry for your loss and send you healing vibes for your body and soul in the coming weeks. *hug*
~Miriam
I am so, so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult and sad time.
I am so very sorry! I can not imagine the pain of this loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I am overcome with sadness and grief for you all.
I'm here through a friend's blog, and I just wanted to express my deepest sympathy for your loss. You and your husband will be in my thoughts and prayers.
(((hugs)))
I am so, so sorry for your loss and will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Take extra good care of yourself and wishing you peace. (HUGS)
(here via Zengirl's blog)
Here from LFCA. I am so incredibly sorry. You will be in my thoughts.
I am so sorry. I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers.
My heart breaks for your loss. Sending loads of prayers and hugs your way.
I can't express how incredibly sorry I am for what you are going through. I came across your blog in a round about way yesterday. Although I have not been following your entire journey my heart does ache so much for you and it was no accident I came across your blog.
I lost twin daughters, Faith and Avery, on May 9th (22 weeks) due to losing the fluid around Faith at 19 weeks. I have been in the valley where you are walking. I have been there and I can relate to the heaviness in your heart and the ache in your soul. I will be praying for you. I know how hard this journey will be, but I also know that God will be with you every step of the way. I pray you find comfort in Him.
HUGS!
Nicole
I am so very sorry for loss, words seem inadequate.
((hugs))
I've been through two early losses, which I know can't compare to what you're going through now. Life can just be so unfair sometimes (and to those of us suffering from IF, it seems like it's damn unfair all the time). I'm so sorry to hear that after all of the battles you faced so far, you now have to deal with what sounds like PPROM and the loss of your baby.
I wish you a calm delivery in a supportive environment. I hope they do everything they can to make this time a little bit easier for you, and that you're given the opportunity to see your baby if you choose to.
Hugs.
I'm so very sorry. Wishing you comfort and peace.
I am so, so sorry.
My heart is breaking foryou. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband during this tragic time.
I'm so sorry. I will be thinking of you, all of you, today.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
(((HUGS)))
I can't believe this, I am so sorry. I will be thinking about you and praying for you.
So sorry for your loss. This is such a blow.
OMG, I am so so sorry. No words will ever make this loss go away or any easier. I am thinking of you at this sad time. Sorry x
came over from LFCA....*huge hugs* I lost my son at 18 weeks and your story sounds similar to mine because I went into the ER bleeding to find out I lost all the fluid in his sac. I am praying for healing for you at this time.
may peace be with you.
I am so sad for you I want to cry. What a devastating loss. We are all thinking about you and praying for you.
may peace be with you.
Here from LFCA -- just wanted you to know how awfully sorry I am, and that I'll be thinking of you and you're sweet baby. Holding you all in my heart.
I'm here via Eileen's blog. I wanted to pass on my condolences and prayers. I am so sorry this has happened to you and your family. So very sorry.
I just found your site via YaYa's facebook page. I am in tears for you and your husband and your baby... I am so sorry, so, so, sorry. I am wrapping my virtual arms around you and hugging so hard...
Here from LFCA - I'm so very sorry.
Thinking about all of you and praying that you get the support and space you need in this time.
LFCA
My heart is absolutely breaking for you.
I am so very sorry.
My thoughts and prayers are with you both. ((hugs))
Here from LFCA and am so, so, so sorry to hear about this news. I'm a fellow stage IV endo sufferer, still trying for my BFP. You are in my thoughts.
You've been on my mind all day. I just can't get over this. I'm so so sorry. It's just not fair. :(
Eileen sent me here...I'm so so very sorry for your loss. I don't understand why these things happen and I never will. This makes me so sad for you and your family. I'm saying a special prayer for you.
My heart goes out to you and your husband. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Words are useless at a time like this. If you need anything, let the blog world know and we are here to help and support you in any way we can.
I'm praying for you!
I am so sorry honey! I have been silently following your blog on and off and I can't believe this is happening! Our prayers are with you! You both are in our thoughts! {HUGS}
I am so sorry for your loss.
A Blessing
Blessed sister, beautiful one
with broken wings.
Your journey is a difficult one
that no mother should have to endure.
Your path is steep, rocky and slippery
and your tender heart is in need of gentle healing.
Breathe deeply and know that you are loved.
You are not alone,
though at times, you will feel like a
desolate island of grief
untouchable
distant.
Close your eyes.
Seek the wisdom of women who have walked this well-worn path before you,
before,
and before,
and before you yourself were born.
These beautiful ones
with eyes like yours
have shared your pain, and
weathered the storms of loss.
You are not alone (breathe in)
You will go on (breathe out)
Your wings will mend (breathe in)
You are loved (breathe out)
~ Mary Burgess
Here from LFCA. I am so so so sorry.
Turia
I am here via LFCA. I am very, very sorry. My thoughts are with you today. We also lost a child - our first child - after years of infertility. I can too vividly imagine what you are going through today. I wish you peace and healing.
Words are never enough but I am so sorry for the journey you are about to endure. I have been there and you will survive but be forever changed by it.
You, your husband and your little angel will be in my thoughts and prayers.
LFCA
I am so sorry. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking. Sending you love and light.
Here from LFCA.
I am so very sorry to hear your news. Wishing you moments of peace in the coming days. You and your family are in my thoughts.
So very sorry. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
(here from the LFCA)
I am so Sorry you are having to go through this! Sending prayers for strength your way!
Allison, I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your DH in my thoughts. ((BIG HUGS)) Please let me know if there is anything I can do.
So sorry for your loss.
Oh I am so sorry.
I know there is nothing to say, nothing that will help but a rewind and undo. but here I am, a complete stranger sending love because more than anything, I wish you peace. And I have no idea how you will travel from here to there. So I send love and hope for you during this incredibly difficult transition.
I will be holding you and your sweetie gently in my heart.
kate
I hold you in my heart tonight. I am so so so incredibly sorry for your loss. This is so unfair and there are simply not enough words in the world to explain my sorrow for you at this time.
I am so very sorry.
Allison,
I just saw your update on the other site. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am sorry for your loss.
Jeanne
I am so very sorry.
3.5 years ago I lost my baby boy at 21 weeks after premature membrane rupture and loss of all fluid.
there are no words. I am just so sorry and wishing you and your husband peace and healing during this heartbreaking time.
Here from LFCA..
This is unimaginably sad. I am so sorry that you have to experience this. Being infertile is one thing, but losing a half-won battle is killing. So sorry....My wishes are with you and your husband, and your dear baby.
I'm so terribly sorry. There is nothing else any of us can say, except that far too many of us have struggled too hard and long to get pregnant only to suffer a loss. If only everyone here could carry a little bit of that pain away...if only we could go back in time and change everything.
I am so so sorry. Here from ICLW and just have tears in my eyes for you. Sending you gentle hugs. Fran
so sorry to hear this. hugs and good thoughts to you and your family.
I just found your blog and I am so very sorry for your loss. I am praying for peace and healing for you and your husband. Please know that I care. ~ Yaya
Yaya's Changing World
I am so sorry you have to experience this pain. My husband and I went through something similar very recently, and am willing to listen if you are interested in talking. You and I were just days apart in our pregnancy - we lost our little girl at 14+ wks.
I will say a prayer for you and yours.
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