It's been a week now since the process to give birth to our son began. Tonight at 8:45 will be exactly one week since we met our son. My gut is wrenching. My heart is heavy. I miss our Wyatt. I don't understand why we had to say goodbye so early.
Yesterday was particularly difficult. We are so thankful for so many things in our lives. Yet, I felt so thankless yesterday and angry. I know Wyatt is in a better place now, but, I am selfish and I want him back. I need him back! How can I be thankful that the life I was preparing inside of me is gone? I am obviously thankful for the chance to have had time with our son-to hold him, love him, hug him, kiss him. I'm just not thankful we had to let him go.
Last night was another stab in the gut...literally. I started cramping very badly yesterday afternoon. By 7:30/8 PM the blood started just "pouring". This was alarming for us because fortunately (or unfortunately) I had not bled much, if any up until that point. After I soaked a pad I called the OB's office and they wanted me to head to the ER for an ultrasound.
We got there a little before 11 and left at 3. Such a long and agonizing process. I hate ER's! They drew blood, did a pelvic exam then an ultrasound. The PA extracted a large clot that he said had tissue on it...which obviously made me very nervous. The ultrasound looked okay though in that there wasn't any remaining placenta. So, maybe my body is just slow and didn't decide to bleed until last night? Who knows. I guess I'm just a bleeder. I got a prescription for some pain meds (thank goodness because I am not feeling better today either) and we headed home.
So, I am obviously thankful that everything is okay. Yet, still so empty and in pain. This pain I should not be feeling now.
We miss you Wyatt. We love you.
644th Friday Blog Roundup
2 days ago