I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!





Thursday, November 19, 2009

Thoughts and prayers are needed

We found out today that at some point between last week and this week I've lost all my amniotic fluid around the baby. It happened some time when I was bleeding and we just didn't know. Tomorrow I will deliver my 18 week old baby via induction and we will say goodbye. Please pray for us during this time as we are going through this process and this loss.

102 comments:

J said...

I have been enjoying reading your blog for months now and following you on your journey. I am in shock after reading your news. I know there is nothing that could ever take the pain of this loss away, but I am so very sorry and I will be praying for you and your husband. Please take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing when you can.

Sonja said...

*hugs* *hugs* *hugs*

Thinking of you and your husband.

Wishing you peace.

Yaya said...

:( :( :( :(
NO :( :(
I am so sorry. :( :(

Could you please email me your address?
yayaorangenanny@yahoo.com

Christa said...

Oh my gosh. I am so so so sorry. I can't believe this is happening to you. I'm in tears. No one deserves this, especially you and your husband. I will be thinking about you and praying for you and your husband. ((HUGS))

zengirl said...

I have been following your journey for a few months now and was overjoyed to see a fellow endo sister make it to the other side. I too am so shocked that this has happened. I am deeply sorry for your pain and agony. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your husband. (((HUGS)))

devon said...

oh honey... I am so sorry...i'll be praying...

Jeanne said...

Allison,

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so very sorry.

Jeanne

Jamee said...

I posted on your FB but I am so incredibly sorry. My heart is breaking for you and your husband right now. Please take care of yourself. You will be in my thoughts and prayers ((((hugs))))

Rachel said...

I am so so sorry, no words can express the sadness. This is such a shock. I am praying for you.

strongwoman said...

Words can not express how sorry I am to read this news! I can not imagine the pain you must be experiencing now and will continue to experience in the days to come. No one should have to experience such a tragedy, especially not someone who has already been through so much. Please know that my thoughts are with you during this time.

Courtney said...

I'm so sorry. There are no words.

Ali said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You will be in my prayers. If you ever need someone to talk to you can e-mail me @ iamamommy at att . net.

We just lost our daughter on October 10th, I so wish that you didnt have to join our babyloss world.

Allison

Kelly said...

Thinking of you and praying! Sending hugs!

K said...

I am so very sorry to hear this news. I will send you much love and strength tomorrow, and I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Celia said...

I am so very sorry. I know my words can't help but I am praying for you and your family.

La loca said...

I am so so sorry. I'll be praying for you guys. Keep close to family during this time, rely on them.

katery said...

this really is just the worst news ever, i want to cry, i am so sorry.

autoimmunelife said...

:( :( :( :(
Oh no!! :( I'm so sorry! :( :(
Thinking of you both! ((hugs))

Coral said...

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your husband. many, many hugs.

Jennifer said...

I'm so sorry. My heart just completely dropped. You are absolutely in my prayers.

Deb said...

I am so sorry. Praying for you and your husband.

Expectant Duck said...

I'm so sorry honey.

Sara said...

I have no idea what to say. Extra prayers for you tonight.

nicolemarie said...

I have been following your journey for a few weeks as I started on my own endo journey. I am so sorry for your loss... you will be in my thoughts and prayers this week as you go through this incredibly tough journey. I wish I had more words for you right now.

(hugs)

Mrs Bee said...

I am so sorry.
My heart is breaking for you.
:(
Please know that you are in my thoughts.

Sass

Allison said...

I am so so sorry. Praying for you :(

endochick said...

(((HUGS)))

My thoughts and prayers are with both of you right now. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself.

Alma said...

Your blog was the first IVF/Endo blog I came across and you and your husbands journey has given strength to me and my husband.

We are both shocked and so sorry. Our prayers are with you both and your families.

My belief is that Little D will always be watching over you and will be a guardian angel to your family.

bri said...

came over from Allison's blog. I am so terribly sorry to hear about your pain! Truly I am. I have suffered delivering our 3 children due to losing my amniotic fluid. I feel your heart and know it is hurting. I know there are no words that will help so I am praying for you that you will feel HIS peace in this time!

Lauren, Daniel, James and baby Brendan. said...

Allison,
I know I left you a post on fb and your other blog, but I have been thinking about you all night and just can't stop the tears. I want you to know people are thinking of you and praying. I am so, so sorry. I hope that Baby D meets my angel up there. I remember how horrible it was to experience loss and I would consider your situation about a million times more difficult. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you will smile again, and laugh again. The heart breaks, but God will heal your pain. Please don't give up. Daniel and I are sending you hugs and will continue to pray for you daily.
Love,
Lauren

Dana said...

I am so so so sorry. Reading this put me in tears. I am praying for you and your husband. I really am very sorry.

Eileen said...

Oh no!!!!!!!!! My heart is just breaking for you. You and your husband have my prayers at this difficult time. *BIG HUGS*

Amanda and Tim said...

Oh I am so, so sorry for your loss and will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, of course I will. Take extra good care of yourself xx

Andie said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family.

(via Eileen's blog)

Andie said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family.

(via Eileen's blog)

Lara (NoodleGirl) said...

Here through a friend and I am so very sorry. I have had 2 losses, but neither as far along as you. My heart is with you. {{{HUGS}}}

About Me said...

I am so very sorry.

sprogblogger said...

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. You're in my thoughts.

Pundelina said...

I'm so sorry and sad for you.

:(

Suzy said...

I am so sorry.

Life Happens said...

My heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.

Emily said...

I am so so so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to comprehend the emotions you and DH are going through, but just know you are in my prayers.

I read Eisleen's blog about what you are going through. I will be following your journey. I know we are all strangers, but through this journey we are friends and sisters. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you during this difficult time.

Jin said...

I'm so sorry! I've been following for a while as well and I'm heartbroken for you guys!

((hugs))

Miriam said...

I came her via Sonja's blog. I am so deeply sorry for your loss and send you healing vibes for your body and soul in the coming weeks. *hug*

~Miriam

Elana Kahn said...

I am so, so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult and sad time.

The E Family said...

I am so very sorry! I can not imagine the pain of this loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I am overcome with sadness and grief for you all.

Katie said...

I'm here through a friend's blog, and I just wanted to express my deepest sympathy for your loss. You and your husband will be in my thoughts and prayers.

(((hugs)))

A baby for Al? said...

I am so, so sorry for your loss and will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Take extra good care of yourself and wishing you peace. (HUGS)

(here via Zengirl's blog)

Meredith said...

Here from LFCA. I am so incredibly sorry. You will be in my thoughts.

Kristin said...

I am so sorry. I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers.

Hope in Virginia said...

My heart breaks for your loss. Sending loads of prayers and hugs your way.

The Caldwells said...

I can't express how incredibly sorry I am for what you are going through. I came across your blog in a round about way yesterday. Although I have not been following your entire journey my heart does ache so much for you and it was no accident I came across your blog.

I lost twin daughters, Faith and Avery, on May 9th (22 weeks) due to losing the fluid around Faith at 19 weeks. I have been in the valley where you are walking. I have been there and I can relate to the heaviness in your heart and the ache in your soul. I will be praying for you. I know how hard this journey will be, but I also know that God will be with you every step of the way. I pray you find comfort in Him.

HUGS!
Nicole

just me, dawn said...

I am so very sorry for loss, words seem inadequate.
((hugs))

Kate said...

I've been through two early losses, which I know can't compare to what you're going through now. Life can just be so unfair sometimes (and to those of us suffering from IF, it seems like it's damn unfair all the time). I'm so sorry to hear that after all of the battles you faced so far, you now have to deal with what sounds like PPROM and the loss of your baby.
I wish you a calm delivery in a supportive environment. I hope they do everything they can to make this time a little bit easier for you, and that you're given the opportunity to see your baby if you choose to.
Hugs.

Mrs. Spit said...

I'm so very sorry. Wishing you comfort and peace.

birdsandsquirrels said...

I am so, so sorry.

Hope said...

My heart is breaking foryou. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband during this tragic time.

HereWeGoAJen said...

I'm so sorry. I will be thinking of you, all of you, today.

Kelly said...

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

(((HUGS)))

Astrid said...

I can't believe this, I am so sorry. I will be thinking about you and praying for you.

Delenn said...

So sorry for your loss. This is such a blow.

Nic said...

OMG, I am so so sorry. No words will ever make this loss go away or any easier. I am thinking of you at this sad time. Sorry x

Jessica said...

came over from LFCA....*huge hugs* I lost my son at 18 weeks and your story sounds similar to mine because I went into the ER bleeding to find out I lost all the fluid in his sac. I am praying for healing for you at this time.

Aaron and Claire said...

may peace be with you.

Jamie said...

I am so sad for you I want to cry. What a devastating loss. We are all thinking about you and praying for you.

Aaron and Claire said...

may peace be with you.

Tash said...

Here from LFCA -- just wanted you to know how awfully sorry I am, and that I'll be thinking of you and you're sweet baby. Holding you all in my heart.

MissMVK said...

I'm here via Eileen's blog. I wanted to pass on my condolences and prayers. I am so sorry this has happened to you and your family. So very sorry.

The Good Cook said...

I just found your site via YaYa's facebook page. I am in tears for you and your husband and your baby... I am so sorry, so, so, sorry. I am wrapping my virtual arms around you and hugging so hard...

babyinterrupted said...

Here from LFCA - I'm so very sorry.

projectkjetil said...

Thinking about all of you and praying that you get the support and space you need in this time.

LFCA

Melissa G said...

My heart is absolutely breaking for you.

I am so very sorry.

Lisa said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you both. ((hugs))

Michele said...

Here from LFCA and am so, so, so sorry to hear about this news. I'm a fellow stage IV endo sufferer, still trying for my BFP. You are in my thoughts.

Yaya said...

You've been on my mind all day. I just can't get over this. I'm so so sorry. It's just not fair. :(

TeeJay said...

Eileen sent me here...I'm so so very sorry for your loss. I don't understand why these things happen and I never will. This makes me so sad for you and your family. I'm saying a special prayer for you.

B. said...

My heart goes out to you and your husband. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Words are useless at a time like this. If you need anything, let the blog world know and we are here to help and support you in any way we can.

JellyBelly said...

I'm praying for you!

BB said...

I am so sorry honey! I have been silently following your blog on and off and I can't believe this is happening! Our prayers are with you! You both are in our thoughts! {HUGS}

One Who Understands said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Ali said...

A Blessing

Blessed sister, beautiful one
with broken wings.
Your journey is a difficult one
that no mother should have to endure.
Your path is steep, rocky and slippery
and your tender heart is in need of gentle healing.

Breathe deeply and know that you are loved.
You are not alone,
though at times, you will feel like a
desolate island of grief
untouchable
distant.
Close your eyes.
Seek the wisdom of women who have walked this well-worn path before you,
before,
and before,
and before you yourself were born.
These beautiful ones
with eyes like yours
have shared your pain, and
weathered the storms of loss.

You are not alone (breathe in)
You will go on (breathe out)
Your wings will mend (breathe in)
You are loved (breathe out)

~ Mary Burgess

rescogitatae said...

Here from LFCA. I am so so so sorry.
Turia

Kami said...

I am here via LFCA. I am very, very sorry. My thoughts are with you today. We also lost a child - our first child - after years of infertility. I can too vividly imagine what you are going through today. I wish you peace and healing.

tootertotz said...

Words are never enough but I am so sorry for the journey you are about to endure. I have been there and you will survive but be forever changed by it.

You, your husband and your little angel will be in my thoughts and prayers.

LFCA

PunkRockChic said...

I am so sorry. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Aunt Becky said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking. Sending you love and light.

Sue said...

Here from LFCA.

I am so very sorry to hear your news. Wishing you moments of peace in the coming days. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Andrea said...

So very sorry. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
(here from the LFCA)

Erika said...

I am so Sorry you are having to go through this! Sending prayers for strength your way!

Chasing that Dream said...

Allison, I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your DH in my thoughts. ((BIG HUGS)) Please let me know if there is anything I can do.

Jem said...

So sorry for your loss.

mekate said...

Oh I am so sorry.
I know there is nothing to say, nothing that will help but a rewind and undo. but here I am, a complete stranger sending love because more than anything, I wish you peace. And I have no idea how you will travel from here to there. So I send love and hope for you during this incredibly difficult transition.
I will be holding you and your sweetie gently in my heart.

kate

Aisha said...

I hold you in my heart tonight. I am so so so incredibly sorry for your loss. This is so unfair and there are simply not enough words in the world to explain my sorrow for you at this time.

Heather said...

I am so very sorry.

Jeanne said...

Allison,

I just saw your update on the other site. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am sorry for your loss.

Jeanne

luna said...

I am so very sorry.

3.5 years ago I lost my baby boy at 21 weeks after premature membrane rupture and loss of all fluid.
there are no words. I am just so sorry and wishing you and your husband peace and healing during this heartbreaking time.

WiseGuy said...

Here from LFCA..


This is unimaginably sad. I am so sorry that you have to experience this. Being infertile is one thing, but losing a half-won battle is killing. So sorry....My wishes are with you and your husband, and your dear baby.

Chickenpig said...

I'm so terribly sorry. There is nothing else any of us can say, except that far too many of us have struggled too hard and long to get pregnant only to suffer a loss. If only everyone here could carry a little bit of that pain away...if only we could go back in time and change everything.

Fran said...

I am so so sorry. Here from ICLW and just have tears in my eyes for you. Sending you gentle hugs. Fran

Jaymee said...

so sorry to hear this. hugs and good thoughts to you and your family.

Yaya' s Changing World said...

I just found your blog and I am so very sorry for your loss. I am praying for peace and healing for you and your husband. Please know that I care. ~ Yaya

Yaya's Changing World

Nearlydawn said...

I am so sorry you have to experience this pain. My husband and I went through something similar very recently, and am willing to listen if you are interested in talking. You and I were just days apart in our pregnancy - we lost our little girl at 14+ wks.

I will say a prayer for you and yours.