I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!





Saturday, June 6, 2009

My big busted Bday plans

Thanks endometriosis, for ruining my plans this weekend. I missed the Dierks Bentley and Brad Paisley concert last night (and my killer seats!). Tonight is No Doubt; still am not sure I'll make it. The pain last night was astounding; it's MUCH better today, but, I'm still feeling tight and sore. The lortab is okay; it's not helping the swelling/bloating though. I've been taking small doses of ibuprofen as well.

We had a B-Day BBQ at the house planned for tomorrow. I made the call to cancel that. I didn't want to have to make a last minute decision since people were bringing sides. Monday, my actual B-Day, we were supposed to go to Carowinds, an amusement park. I'm thinking that won't happen either; all that thrashing around with tight harnesses on my belly. I'm really really bummed!

My website is "I Am Not Endo", but, sometimes I am. And, I hate it!!! I hate missing out on life because of my pain!!! I'm even more bummed because I had surgery 3 months ago for this mess. I know that the hormones from IVF and my early miscarriage probably aren't helping, but, wow...I never imagined this. Did the hormones make the endo inside worse? Or, is it the hormones that are just out of whack? I could definitely feel my endometrioma this morning; it's an indistinguishable pain. This pain leaves me feeling confused and unsure. Is it worth it to try IVF again? If the outcome is the same next time, I'm not sure I can handle the pain (emotional and physical). Will this course cause me to have surgery sooner than without it? Lots of questions dancing around in my head. Stupid endo. I HATE YOU!!!!!!!! I don't want you to define me...but, sometimes, you just bust up in here and take over. I won't let you win the overall battle though...I just can't!

7 comments:

Nic said...

I am so sorry endo has ruined your plans. Stay string and positive. Dont let it beat you. Happy birthday for monday. x

Kelly said...

I'm sorry that this crap is ruining your birthday plans. It's hard to not let endo. define you because it becomes so much of our lives. I think you should go to that No Doubt concert and belt out "I'm Just a Girl" with Gwen tonight! Or at least have a glass of wine and some birthday cake.

Sending happy thoughts your way!

JellyBelly said...

stupid, stupid endo.

i really hope that the stupid pain goes away soon.

hugs to you!

Yaya said...

I am so so sorry. Yes, the hormones made my endo FAR worse. So much pain. I don't want to relive that. And I've heard from a few sources that the pain of a miscarriage is actually worse than the pain of labor.

Barefoot said...

I am so sorry that endo is ruining your birthday!!! Aaargh! I hope you can find a way to have some fun, even if it's not exactly the fun you had planned. Thinking of you!!

Jeanne said...

I'm sorry... so sorry. :(

Jeanne

MyBigBustedUterus! said...

I am so sorry! The same thing happened to me last weekend; we had amazing seats for Coldplay and I got my period 4 days early. I was SO frustrated, but I pumped myself full of Aleve and went anyway. I definitely have had so many holidays, concerts, nights with friends and vacations ruined by endo. Hope you're feeling better now.