I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!





Monday, August 10, 2009

Food for thought (mmm food!)

A pretty good friend tonight announced her pregnancy. And, although I am excited, of course I am a little envious (dang you envy!). But, as hard as it was for me to hear, can you imagine how hard it was for her to tell me?!? Being the friend of an infertile must be pretty hard sometimes too!!! She's been trying to tell me for a few weeks now, and, she never could get around to it. I hate that. I don't want to be some bitter lady that can't take the wonderful news of the friends around her. That's not why she couldn't get around to it, I just don't want to be perceived in that manner. You know?

For me, it's not a "Why her"; it's just the "Why not me" part. I am not mad, hurt, angry. How can I be?!? It's a beautiful blessing and I truly am elated for my friend and her husband. I had just never thought about the flip side...about having to tell an infertile friend about your upcoming pregnancy. It's bittersweet, I'm sure.

I hope that I can be making wondrous announcements soon as well. Oh, how I really am longing to pee on that stick under the cabinet. I will remain strong. It will only drive me more batty if I know either way. For now, I'll just pretend my constipation, sore boobs, slight nausea and cravings are those of a pregnant woman.

BRING IT!

9 comments:

Barefoot said...

It's soooo hard when you're truly happy for a friend, but unhappy for yourself. The delayed announcement doesn't help things, either.

I am sending all kinds of good thoughts your way, and hoping that you have some good news of your own in a couple of days!!

allisyn said...

i'm thinking of yalll....and prayin for you too :) :) :)

J said...

Sometimes I wonder if it's harder getting or giving the news? Hang in there--It will be your turn soon!

katery said...

one of my best friends didn't tell me she was pregnant until she was 12 weeks along! can you believe that??? she wasn't trying to get pregnant and wasn't super thrilled about it at first, she felt like she needed to be happy about it before she could tell me because we had been trying so hard for so long.

K said...

I sometimes find that people who aren't struggling with infertility don't understand the "I'm happy for you, but it makes me feel miserable for me" sentiment. It's a little soothing to know that others feel this way, too. Sometimes I think my supports don't really believe what I'm saying to be true.

May you have your own good news waiting just around the corner!

Lisa said...

You have to be one of the most self-disciplined girls out there! Good for you for sticking to your guns. I hope you get some exciting news tomorrow!!

Alex said...

I'm praying for you guys, hope to hear good news tomorrow!!! :)

Chelle said...

I am praying your beta goes well. My fingers are crossed for high numbers!

callmemama said...

I've nominated you for an award on my blog!