What does it mean?

When the mail order pharmacy is supposed to call you and confirm your order/collect payment for your drug shipment tomorrow...and they don't? So, should I be expecting anything in the mail tomorrow? I'm thinking no. I don't even know where to call to see what's up! They called last week and reviewed my order and said to expect a call today for tomorrow's (AM!!!) shipment. Things that make you go hmmmmm....

I got a magical pill called into the pharmacy for my YI. I'm ready for it to go BYE BYE!!! Oh, and, NO, you can't have a mock transfer, even when spotting. Well, spotting that requires a pad. The nurse said to assess the situation in the AM and call if I needed to reschedule.

AND, made a trip to the derm today for a FU. The impetigo is ramping back up...of course it is. Have to start using the anti-bacterial cream on all the incisions again. One of my incisions kept catching on my pants today because it was discharging. Awesome, right?!?!

I'm telling you, it was just one of those "whoa is me" type days. I think it's the hormones (and, lack thereof?)! I'm just tired of all the crap!!! Tomorrow is another day...

Where did you come from...

Aunt flo? I wasn't really expecting you. Although, after further reflection I do think the RE said you could come, but, would be light (since I am on Aygestin and it thins out my endometrium). So far, so good.

That came over the weekend. Fabulous, right? And, since this is a TMI blog (if you didn't know that, I think you are in the wrong place!); should my YI be gone after the 3 day treatment the clinic suggested?!? Because, I'm still a little uncomfortable. I figured I'd see what it did overnight and go from there. I'm sure the clinic is expecting a message on their machine in the morning anyway.

I am scheduled for my "mock transfer" on Tuesday (or Weds-they wrote "Weds, April 14th"-which is actually Tues, so, I need some clarification on that). What should I expect? And, can they do it while I'm on my period? Well, I guess it's only really spotting at most. Just wondering.

Another ponder I had. What about sex during IVF? That may be a stupid question. I probably won't even be feeling it? My poor husband...first surgery, then complications, then my evil female burden. Again, TMI blog people. How else can I get my answers? Oh, I guess I could ask the RE...

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter weekend. We definitely did-we got out of town and visited with family and friends. It was so GREAT to get away. Now, back to the grindstone...

Evil female burdens

I went to the RE today for a look see at my incisions. It wasn't my RE, but, it was the RE who had seen the mess to begin with. They ended up digging (yes, DIGGING) some of the glue out of my belly button incision. A little fuzzy on the facts (because, frankly, someone digging in your belly button for 20 minutes makes you quite ill); something about the glue bubbling up underneath itself? Anyway, that is looking much better already. The other incision he cleaned out and he told me to start using the steroid cream again for another few days. Gladly. I was also the subject of a resident's learning experience today. Glad to help out. I bet he got all geeked out when he saw me on the schedule. I can hear it now, "You gotta come take a look at this poor girl". Whatever I can do in the name of science. :) They really are just so nice there though...they ROCK.

My evil female burden=yeast infection. Yep, I knew it. I wasn't diligent enough with the probiotics (should have taken them more than once a day) and the yogurt while I was on the keflex. So, itching again, just in another miserable way. Ladies, probiotics are your friends. I'm just sayin'.

Thoughts of the day

I've been having "internal struggles" about the surgery. On the one hand I am thankful for what they were able to do in terms of saving my fertility and getting that show on the road. On the other hand, I'm filled with doubt and concern that my all too familiar symptoms will quickly return, putting me back in the OR within another 13 months if we are unable to conceive. I mean, there was a lot that was left untouched. This disease really sucks. They don't know much about endometriosis, so, cutting it all away I guess really isn't a reality anyway, especially with my extent of disease. A lot of it is microscopic, and, even the microscopic portions can cause pain and symptoms as I have felt before. And, even if they peel my organs apart, there's nothing stopping it from coming back. Birth control has proven pretty effective as far as pain management goes with endometriosis, but, there is nothing out there long term that keeps it from coming back. And, I can't take birth control-it causes adverse reactions. Lupron (ack!!!) acts in keeping the endometriosis from spreading, but, it's only approved for 2 6-month courses over your lifetime. And, we saw how well that worked for me, right? So, yeah. I know I should be grateful, but, part of me wishes they could have done more. I guess there is always more to be done, and, I should just keep my head up and forge forward. Which, I plan on doing, but, sometimes you stop to ponder these things along the way.

Healing continues. One of my incisions seems to be reverting back to nasty stage. I will not hesitate to call tomorrow. I had one of the nurses at work look at it today, and she agreed. Ughhhhh. My belly button still has a good amount of discharge...and, it's veering on the revert side two. My others seem to be doing very well; I am definitely thankful for that. And, thankful that I can wear scrubs to work!!! Those have been a lifesaver this week for sure!

19 DAYS...

The appointment went well today. It was a whirlwind of information. But, good information!!!!

First of all, my stomach is healing nicely. I'm going to start tapering off the 'roids soon and start using vitamin E to help promote the healing and diminish the risk for scarring. I don't think scarring will be too bad from everything that happened-the raised infected/irritated skin is giving way to smooth, albeit raw, skin underneath. Still a little itchy...I think it's less of irritated itching now and more of the "healing" kind of itch. Ya know?!?!

My endometrioma was ideal...meaning it wasn't stuck behind my uterus wedged in between that and involving my colon as she had suspected from the ultrasound. It was just sitting, right there, easy to access. It was HUGE!!! She was able to take that out and take out the cyst wall and put an adhesion barrier over that healing ovary. She said it dissolves; i'm not sure how long, but, it gives it a fighting chance to heal itself. The lighted stints on my ureters were a HIT-very good thing with as much endo as I had. My tubes are a swollen mess, but, they were not blocked or causing any danger to me, so, they were left in tact. The GI was able to remove a lot of the endo sitting on my colon-there was nothing penetrating. There was extensive endometriosis (not shocking), and she said she obviously was not able to get to it all. This surgery was done in respects to my fertility. So, she did what needed to be done, without overdoing things, put simply. The goal of this surgery is to conceive...so, hopefully that can get done!

So, after the surgery chat, we talked a little more and got a layout of when IVF is going to start, and have a better idea how the next two months will go. IF everything goes well (I'm going in this with the utmost positive attitude), we are looking to know something by the beginning of JUNE! She is a little concerned giving my past sensitivity to medications, but, I've never had (most of) these before, so, you never know.

I've promised myself to stay away from google. But, I told my hubby I will be relying on the wealth of blogs and friends out there for support and information as I go through this, as a lot of you are going through it all as well. And, I will blog here about our experience in hopes to help someone else.

Lots more information to type, but, I think this is all I can logically rattle off right now. WOW! Lots going on in my mind. Very excited, but, trying not to get to excited at the same time, especially as I continue to heal. The prospects are very exciting, and, I feel blessed to have this opportunity.

Start date for Lu.pron is 4-22! (Yes, Lu.pron...ick) I'll continue the Aygestin up until that point (and a few days beyond). More about that later!!!!

IVF questions for our RE?

In preparing for tomorrow's follow-up with our RE, any questions you can suggest that we should be thinking about or should bring up tomorrow in regards to IVF?

Since I am on the definition kick...

I was thinking about my post op today (which is Friday) and was thinking about everything I gathered from my family. One thing that sticks out to me is this "adhesion barrier" that was placed on/over/near my ovary. Seeking information, this is what I found out today. I guess on Friday I'll get more specific details, but, in the meantime, this is so interesting. I didn't know such things existed. Click here for more information.

Feeling better and better it seems. My stomach is finally showing visible signs of improvement. Slowly, but surely. Now, this prednisone is surely affecting my sleep. But, I am so thankful not to be in such misery I was in a few days ago!!!! I'm ready to jump back into the world (mostly out of being so tired of sitting around), but, promised my Dr. I'd take it easy a few more days. She called today-my RE. She's been OOT this whole time and was horrified about my reaction. She too (as well as the derm) thought it was a combo of the adhesives and betadine (given my previous iodine sensitivty). She wanted to call to check up on things and said she'd take a look on Friday and was anxious to start looking forward. Me too!!!!

I am not going to be cleared for work until after my follow-up on Friday, which, is okay with me. I'd be more comfortable with someone looking at this again before I return anyway. I hate being away for 12 days from work, but, I know it'll be fine! I need to look after me first!!!

We've been gearing up for IVF. We'll learn more about that too on Friday, and get an estimated start time. Before surgery, my RE said that if everything went well with surgery (I dunno if this infection will impede) that we'd be looking at starting the Lupron in late April, with transfer possible by the end of May!!! So, we'll see. I've been looking at a lot of IVF blogs. They are so helpful...much more so that this confusing book the clinic gave to me. I mean, the book is okay, but, it's just a bunch of meds and risks, etc. Not a real world look into the everyday life of this 6 week process of creating what I hope to be a wonderfully healthy baby.

I must admit, with recent incidents and allergies, and knowing my sensitivity to medications, I'm a bit nervous. But, I know if I don't try, I will have regrets. We'll see where we are in a few weeks, but, this is where we are headed so far. Lots of emotions, financial decisions, and preparations to make. An exciting but scary time indeed. And, we need to be prepared to look into the future, no matter the outcome. Will we try again? How many rounds are we willing to endure? What is too much?! We've talked and thought a lot about these questions, and more, and are prepared to make these decisions. I think these are important...if for nothing else, our sanity!!!

So, hopefully soon this blog will turn it's efforts to our IVF journey, in hopes of conceiving with stage IV endometriosis. Stay tuned! In the meantime, I will focus on getting better and moving on past this 2nd laparoscopy. I'm ready!!! But, sometimes these things take time. Oh, and to address all the responses about how calm I've been...I'm glad I appear to be. ;) Some days are/were so frightening and frustrating. I'm trying to keep my head up and forward. I really appreciate all the comments, well wishes, and those that were able to relate with this with their personal experiences. It's awesome to know it gets better. I just have to be patient. That is really hard for me sometimes. That word is going to be hard imprinted in my vocabulary soon, I'm sure, so, better get used to the thought of it!

All for now!