I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!





Thursday, April 1, 2010

It's finally here

April. I should be saying those words at 37/38 weeks pregnant and with much more excitement in my tone. But, well, we all know that things are very different. Instead of celebrating the births of our children with the 5 friends we have that are due this month...we mourn our loss all over again. We hope to more celebrate him, but, I know it will not be without tears.

Although, this isn't my child's birthdate. Just another "milestone" to overcome. The most painful one to date for sure.

I miss you Wyatt. With every stroller and new mommy glow I see, I ache for you. Every fat belly and cankle I spot, I yearn to be there, with you safely tucked inside. These things will not happen with you Wyatt, but, I miss you all that much more.

Hello April. I knew you'd be here...I just don't know that I'm ready!

9 comments:

Katie said...

Thinking of you and your family this month. (((hugs)))

snhg1129 said...

I found your blog through another blog that I read, I read your blog and I can say that I know how much your heart is hurting. My son Wyatt, and my Daughter Madyson have had there angel wings for 5 years. Please if you every need any one to talk to that has been through this please let me know, I have walked in your shoes, and I know how hard those shoes are to walk in. I can tell you that there death was a blessing in disguise, reason for me saying that is that my now 9 month old son is the light of my life and I appreciate him that much more. Please Please e-mail if you need anything...

Heather

Nic said...

I am sorry that it is April, I am sorry that Wyatt is not tucked up inside you.
I wish things were different for you, I really do.
Big hugs
xxx

Expectant Duck said...

Hugs. Thinking of you.

callmemama said...

It's a difficult milestone, and one I definitely can't claim to understand the pain of, but I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and wishing you and your husband peace as you try and make it through this month...

Kelly said...

I'm so sorry. Anniversaries of what should have been are just the worst.

You're in my thoughts.

Sonja said...

*hugs* Thinking of you.

Kait said...

This month is surely going to be a very difficult one for you. My heart goes out to you and you will be in my thoughts. I know I can't say anything to make it better, but please know that I'm thinking of you and hoping that you will find peace some day.

Jeanne said...

Allison,

I'm sending thoughts and prayers your way.

Jeanne