I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!





Friday, April 23, 2010

Could have been...

First of all, things seem to be okay with the GI issues. Waiting on the labwork for any definite celebration, but, things are moving foward with the cycle. :) Thanks for the comments!

Today, instead of making excited phone calls and rushing to the hospital, we are left picking up the pieces of our hearts and wondering what life what have been...could have been...right now. Today was my estimated due date with Wyatt. We wish we could be celebrating right now. To hold our son. To hear him cry, feel his warm, lively body. What we wouldn't give. We don't regret our time with him though and feel so blessed we were given the chance to hold him, to see him, to love him.

We miss Wyatt so much. My heart aches for him and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think or speak of him. We wish today, this week, this month could have been so different for us. We will always remember and love you Wyatt. Always. Thank you for touching our lives and letting us feel the love of a mother and father.

Love you baby boy!!!

17 comments:

cgd said...

I am so sorry for your loss of Wyatt. I am holding you and your DH in my thoughts.....

Jess said...

{{{HUGS}}} Thinking of you and praying for you and your hubby today.

Kelly said...

My heart goes out to you and your husband today. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

(((HUGS)))

jeanna said...

I am happy to here things are a go!

The due date, it is either the most exciting day that you spend 9 months waiting for or the most dreaded day. I am hoping that once this day is over we are able to move forward and have a little peace; though I know this pain and longing will never go away.

I am thinking about you today.

Tammy said...

I am so very sorry for the loss of Wyatt. I wish you peace on this journey... ((((hugs))))

Katie said...

(((hugs))) Thinking of you and DH during this emotional time.

Expectant Duck said...

Hugs hon. Thinking of all of you today.

Barefoot said...

I am so sorry. What a tough day. Thinking of you.

Jennifer said...

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this difficult day, . I pray that everything comes back fine with your blood work.

Sonja said...

Thinking of you, your husband, and Wyatt today.

Jeanne said...

Allison,

You are in my thoughts and prayers!

Jeanne

逸凡逸凡 said...

I love readding, and thanks for your artical. ........................................

Nic said...

Thinking of you all the time and wondering how you are doing. I am sorry that Wyatt spent such little time with you. I wish the day was a joyfull occasion, rather than a sad one.
Take care x

Allison (Ali) said...

hugs

Dallas Girl said...

I just wanted to wish you luck with your upcoming FET and send you lots of prayers during this difficult time. I came across your blog over a year ago and it has given me so much strength and comfort. You are such a strong woman!

You even inspired me to blog about my feelings and this crazy journey.

Best wishes!
Courtney

Elizabeth Kay said...

May God bless you and reassure you that Wyatt is at his ultimate home, in heaven with God. He would not have made it there without his parents. I am sure he is looking down and smiling at you both, with all his love for his parents!

endochick said...

((HUGS))

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I had the magic words that would mend the whole this has left in both of your hearts, but I don't. You guys are in my thoughts.