Endometriosis, Infertility, Miscarriage and Life in general
I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!
I woke up this AM to a full on flow (so far)...5 days late. I'm never late! Anyway, so, there ya have it. All that build up; hopefully since there was so much activity "before", it won't last long. What terrible timing-today is our Anniversary and I have off work. I popped some good drugs so I'll be bearable today.
But to calm down and give it a few more days and see what's up. SORRY...I get a little worried/freaked out when things aren't working like they normally do. It is just so strange to me to have pain and cramping like a period (more I think the colon issues with a period) and not bleed. They didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with missing a period...sometimes that happens. Never to me! So, we'll see how it goes I guess. He wants me to re-test in a few days if I don't start. I don't like all the variables here. If I am pregnant...is it going to hurt like that every time I need to have a bowel movement? If I'm not, where's the blood? I'm pretty tender in my abdominal area...there's got to be some free fluid or something going on in there. But, it's just my body...I have no idea what's going on, right?!?!
Can you tell I'm irritated? And now I'm cramping pretty badly...I'm just going to go to bed and stop pouting. Sorry this is so negative today. :(
But, still not much bleeding (just spots). What is going on? At this point...I'm a little freaked out. I almost went to the ER it was so bad. It was just after dinner, so, I'm wondering if it was just some bad gas with my already irritated colon situation? I could barely touch my stomach it was so bad. But, now it feels okay. Still tender, but not the intense pain. I will definitely be calling the GYN tomorrow!
When does "Day 1" really start? I've only just been spotting for the past three days. Nothing at all major. So, when would day 1 start? I didn't think spotting counted as day one? And, when does "spotting" become "light"? I took my temp this morning (about 1.5 hours later than I usually do) and my temp was down from my spike. So, if it was down 1.5 hours LATER than my normal time, I know it was lower earlier...so, I'm not preggers. Just a really light flow...this is really strange!
Started my period today. I guess this sets the stage for a fun weekend/2nd anniversary (which is Tuesday). Hopefully I'm over the worst part by then! Well, MAYBE it won't be bad at all this time! Here's to hoping.
So, on a more (kinda) random note. Has anyone ever heard of this? A friend of mine told me about it-she read about it a book called "A few good eggs". Seems interesting and I thought I'd pass it along for any readers that might find it useful!
Or, maybe the AM. I woke up this morning feeling rather woozy. The first steps out of the bed were into the wall/window. I took some more stumbles into the bathroom where, for some reason, I thought it was a good idea to take a shower. I was fine, a little wobbly, but, looking it back it probably wasn't a good idea. ;) I took my BP, it was 74/45! WHOA! About 15 minutes later it was back up to 90/something (I'm usually low anyway). The rest of the day I seemed fine. I had an appointment with my ND today (naturopath). She wants me to keep an eye on the BP. I have been kidna dizzy the past few weeks-this may be why.
I should be starting tomorrow-Thurs...ugh...I can feel it coming! I will have to keep an eye on all of my symptoms (as usual).
Sorry-it's been a weird few weeks and I just wanted to escape for a little while. So, my weird rib pain; I did go to my new primary, and, she thinks this could definitely be endo related, whether it be an inflammatory response or actual diaphragm involvement. I had a chest Xray which didn't show any fluid build up or lung changes, which is a good thing. I know endo can't really show up on these exams, but, I was glad to hear it wasn't causing any physical changes! She wanted to do an ultrasound then changed her mind to a CT to rule out other causes. I said no to the CT until after I know this cycle was a bust (which, I am thinking it is just because of how I've felt the past week)-and she that was fine. I am going to track my symptoms again next cycle and just go from there.
This past week I've been pretty crampy and off/on nauseated (as usual). The nausea seems a little better some days, which is nice!
I went to my GI on Friday for a FU. He said that he had exhausted the effort that this could be strictly GI (we already knew it wasn't) and wasn't sure what to do. He wants me to keep trying the zofran with my nausea...I may try again. He also gave me a prescription for something to combine with my nexium; thinking at some point I could continue it and stop the nexium.
He also expressed some concern with a possible pregnancy. He said that he appreciated my desire to have a baby, and that a lot of times that symptoms that I am experiencing can get better with pregnancy. But, a lot of times they don't and can worsen. He wants me to stay in touch and if I need anything to give him a call. He also wants me to talk to my RE when (if) we go next month about my colon involvement of endo and what it would mean during a pregnancy, because he just didn't know. I got pretty upset about this conversation...I'm not sure why. These are definitely things I have thought about, but, I dunno-I was just hoping I was being paranoid or something.
So, anyway, we'll see what's going on this cycle sometime this week. I should start my period by the 23rd/24th...we've done all we can do. It's out of our hands at this point and all we can do is hope and pray.
I've also done a lot of thinking about IVF lately too. I am not convinced that I am made for that journey. We will continue to pray about that. I am just not sure I want to go through all the drugs, all the testing...we'll have to re-vsist that when the time comes and in the meantime I want to arm myself with as much knowledge as possible.
I had a bad day today. I am SO tired of feeling bad/weird/whatever. I just want to be the "normal" girl/couple walking their dog on the afternoon. I see these people walking around and wonder if they hurt when they breathe in or dread their cycles as much as I do. I know everyone has their own issues...I should know that very well working in the cancer field. Still doesn't mean I can't have a "woe is me" moment. I'm so frustrated with being sick...it seems like it's always something...EVERYDAY. I thank God for every day I am given and for every opportunity in my life; I know things happen for a reason. Sometimes I just get in the funk.
I'm on Cycle Day 9or 10...and I noticed some blood tinged fluid tonight. What's up with that?!? I've never had any irregularity symptoms with my endo. I thought for sure I was in the fertile part of my cycle, but, now I'm all sorts of thrown off. I'm a little crampy this evening too. So, new symptom, or, just random? (This may by TMI) Since I was thinking I was in my fertile days, we took advantage of the timing earlier in the day (like 12 hours earlier). Maybe that would have something to do with it? I don't like it!
Another thing I don't like...this pain I get sometimes under my right rib (with deep breaths), a bit to the side. Sometimes it goes up my back into my neck area. I've been using an online calendar called fertility friend to help keep up with my cycles. Last month I noted on Cycle Day 10 that I was having "pain with deep breaths". This has happened before-on numerous occasions. Well, the pain with breathing...but not in this particular location. Last month was the first time I noticed it there. So, it's weird...both months it's started around day 9 or 10. Something to keep an eye on. Anyone else ever had this? It's quite uncomfy. I never made notation before; I wonder if it's always cyclical.
Am I a freak or what? I hate having some random, weird pains. :( I feel so alone and stupid sometimes when I have such things going on!