I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

3 months...really?

I can't believe it's been three months since we had to say goodbye to our beautiful son. In some ways, it definitely feels like it's been this long. We've come a long way from the minutes, hours and days since that fateful day. But, in other ways it feels just like yesterday. Certain situations, moments, seconds bring the emotions rolling back all in a devastating swoop. I feel that these are pretty healthy though in our process of grieving.

Things lately have been especially tricky, as the friends we have are approaching the birth's of their children. We, of course, are happy for all of them. Yet, so very sad for us. Baby showers, invites, big bellies...it's all too much sometimes. These moments always have me wondering what might have been. What could have been. I feel so empty sometimes.

Every day is a new day. We try hard to remember the blessings we have in our lives and to live each day to the fullest, no matter how heavy our hearts may be at times.

We miss him dearly though.


Jeanne said...


I am so sorry for your loss.


Kate said...

I'm sure you'll never stop missing him, but hopefully the pain will fade a little over the years.
Best of luck getting through thebaby showers and briths that will be surrounding you. I'd have a very hard time dealing with it.

J said...

I admire your positive attitude, although I know it must be so hard at times. God is smiling down on you and I just know he's planning so much happiness for your future. Hang in there. Sending big hugs your way.

Nic said...

I cant believe it has been three months either. It sounds like you are doing really well though.
I have a hard enough time with pregnant bellies and I havent beem through what you have, It is normal to feel this way. People will understand though, It is a slow process, but you will always miss him.
Take care

Anonymous said...

i'm so sorry you had to lose him, i am so sad for you but also glad that you seem to be grieving in such a healthy way. good luck with the baby showers.

Anonymous said...


I'm thinking of you!

JellyBelly said...

Thinking of you on this sad anniversary.

Annie said...

So sorry for your loss of Wyatt. I love that name, by the way. I lost my baby at 18 weeks, too. That feeling of emptiness is so hard to deal with, especially when you're seemingly surrounded by big pregnant bellies. Best wishes to you.

AshPash said...

I cannot imagine the pain you are still experiencing. Sending warm hugs.

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