I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Health update and, siblings?!

I couldn't quite make it without the citalopram.  I started seeing a psychologist, and he said how I reacted so quickly to starting a new med he was certain that I was having a pretty bad withdrawal.  Another few weeks and he thinks I probably would have been feeling better, however, I'm not sure I could have made it that much longer.

I'm doing ok now.  I'm on a SUPER low dose of Lexapro, and, not having the symptoms I was before.  I think this is something that I will come off in a few months, with some talk therapy sessions if to help with my GAD if I can ever get in to see someone!!!

I've been to a cardiologist in the mean time for my fatigue and near fainting spells.  I had a tilt test done.  It wasn't positive, but, suggestive.  Next step is the endocribnologist for my very low glucose levels.  I'm really hoping there is an answer out there for why I've felt so strange since giving birth...something that can be fixed I pray.  I finally have far many more better days than bad, but, those bad days can take a toll!!!

My son is amazing.  He's almost two...where does the time go?  I hate when people ask us when we are going to have another one.  Um, I'm sorry, wasn't it a bit of a struggle to get where we are now?  I answer and say that we are enjoying every second we have with the gift we have been given.  Most of time that shuts people up but MAN are people opinionated on the fact that children need siblings.  Don't get me wrong....long ago it was my dream to have a large family.  However, that may not be in the cards for us.  I'm not sure where life will take us.  If we can conceive on our own, I'd be thrilled.  If we can't, I can't really ask anymore of the wonderful son that we have.  We are DONE with IVF.  Our son was our last embryo.  Not going there again.  Adoption isn't off the table, but, again it goes back to enjoying and feeling blessed with what we have.  My health hasn't been all that awesome and I'm honestly not sure I could tackle two.  I know that we will be given what is meant for us...and, until then I'm loving every square inch of this little guy....who isn't so little anymore.


Anonymous said...

Oh I feel for you, I really do!

We have decided we aren't going to have any more children. For us the issue is not my fertility but the fact that I was severely ill during pregnancy and the risk of getting that sick again and risking the same complications is just too much for us.

But even more than that, like you I feel totally wiped out since having my son. It's taken me a long time to realise it isn't just normal exhaustion from having a baby/toddler as I thought it was just because I was taking a long time to recover physically from 9 months of being so very sick. But Oscar was born just a month after Connor so is almost 2 as well and I am just beyond exhausted. I am nauseous a lot of the time, I have fatigue, I have dizzy spells, and I am having those weird hot flashes that I had when on the zoladex (lupron) for my Endo. And that worries me... along with all the crappy Endo stuff as well, of course.

Ours isn't an easy option, is it? People don't seem to get that and just assume that you would want more and therefore have more children. I always wanted at least 2 children, but I struggle with Oscar some days because of my health and I know that he is so precious to us after all we went through and I don't want to jeopardise what we have by risking adding another person to look after (even through adoption) unless we can get to the bottom of why I feel so rubbish most of the time. So I know exactly where you're coming from on that side of things.

Good luck with the next stage in your investigations... I'm off to the drs tomorrow myself for testing my hormones levels etc as the routine bloods all came back normal so it's time to look more deeply at the issue. Fingers crossed we both find an answer soon xx

My Endo Journey said...

I'm so glad you posted Amanda. It's nice to not feel so alone in this journey. Not feeling well is really our number one reason for not even discussing number two. it's disappointing, but, you have to know your limits. I want to be everything I can for our son, and, if having another one takes away from that and from both of them, then, that's not fair for anyone!!!

Thank you so much for commenting!

Open Air said...

People are so opinionated, aren't they? Don't pay them any attention--just do what's right for you. They'll give you an opinion either way you go, as I found out after we adopted our children 18 months apart. People would say, "Uh-oh. You're going to be busy..." in this tone of dread. I think people just want to have something to say. It's so unhelpful, really!

It's so great to see your little man. He's beautiful! I know what you mean about the time going so fast. Our oldest is two, and I feel like just yesterday we were holding her in the hospital as a newborn! They are blessings!