I am 35 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD and now struggle with PMDD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

A rare blogger sighting!

I'm still here!  ;)  I guess it's good that I haven't needed to blog much lately.  It was so amazing to have this blog when I was going through the hells of my initial endometriosis diagnosis and infertility journey.  Our needs I suppose wax and wane, but, I don't want to fall off completely just in case someone were to stumble upon this blog on their own journeys.

I had the IUD (Mirena) implanted last summer.  That particular part of my journey has gone swimmingly!!!  No issues, although, I still have intermittent spotting that is rather annoying and usually unexpected.  TMI, but, that doesn't make for a very pretty panty drawer.  What can I say, I've never really been candid on here, have I?

I've had several other medical mishaps along the way that has put things on the back burner, but, I hope I'm past those for now.

Recently I've had a return of the dreaded GI symptoms from long ago.  Circa 2007.  Maybe not THAT bad, but, my psyche has me all worked up about them and where they can go.  I've been experiencing intermittent diarrhea for about a month now.  Not fun.  My regular BM's are no longer regular, and, quite urgent when they happen.  They aren't particularly painful (most of the time, I did have one that had me gasping for air) or crampy.  I am pretty tender and bloated these days though in general....not sure if that coincides with my cycles or not.  I haven't been detail oriented enough to track that.  Might be helpful though.

I do have bowel adhesions and I wonder if these are flaring up, or, getting worse.  No one every really said the Mirena would help stop the endo, so, I wasn't really expecting it to.  It did help my mentality though.  No more pregnant mind games.

Not sure what the next step is.  I suppose I should make a more detailed entry about my symptoms and touch base with my MD.  I'm SO TIRED OF GOING TO THE MD!!!!  And, with insurance companies turning the beautiful corner of high deductible plans, I fear that I'll wait too long for things before having them checked out.  Take a MRI I had done yesterday for instance....I've been in pain there for almost 2 YEARS.  For real?!?!?!?  That's a whole post in itself, Re: Insurance.

Hope this finds the blogsphere doing well.  We'll see where these symptoms take me.  The never ending endo journey.  I am thankful that I have very rare and very far in between episodes now though.  I'll take every victory I can!!!!

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

It's been a long time

I'm a bad blogger.  But, I wanted to come on and post an update for anyone still following my story (I keep writing in hopes that my journey will help someone else!).

I had Mirena inserted about 3 weeks ago.  So far, nothing really to report.  Maybe some increased anxiety, but, that could just be my subconscious  ;)  The procedure itself was easy.  Some mild cramping afterwards.  I slept most of the day since I self medicated with a few Xanax, so, good day overall  ;)

Still had a migraine this month (not that Mirena is supposed to help, but, I was hoping).  Actually, it was a little different in my postdrome symptoms (muscle weakness in my right arm). Coincidence? Hard to say.

I spotted for about a week after insertion.  That really isn't abnormal from my normal spotting-the reason I put it in because I was spotting/bleeding ALL.THE.TIME.  I'm giving myself 6 months to see if this can make a difference.  I've started my "spot with wiping" phase that usually comes about now.  I'm anxious to see how that all plays out.

I know the Mirena won't help with my PMDD symptoms.  That, I'm hoping, I can deal with in other ways (upping escitalopram, acupuncture, exercise).

So, that's me!!!  We'll see how this new adventure goes.  I was very sad to finally make this decision.  I feel like, at this point in my life, with this in place, we are done.  No more "trying" (like that was getting us anywhere).  But, at the same token, it's kind of nice not to be freaking out with every single symptom thinking that I'm pregnant.  Always, every month, it was the same song and dance.  I can tell you this, I definitely won't miss that.

Here's to new adventures!

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Almost 3 months post op

Life isn't as grand as I imagined it would be before I had my last lap.  Not that things are bad per say. I just was expecting more.  That's what you get for having expectations.  HA!  After hearing from the MD though, I can see why I'm still having issues.  The nausea, he suspects, is from the build up of free fluid in my abdomen.  You know, the bleeding that occurs every months outside our uterus.  Ugh.  Barf!  Not much he could do about that except to clean up what was there when he was.

So, there's that.  The nausea IS about 75% better.  I'll take that.  Not trying to be whiny, I was just in my mind wishing for more.

My periods are still whacked out too.  I was hoping that was the cyst.  Guess not.  Bleeding/spotting still for 2 weeks/month.  I should get stock in pads and panty liners!  And the migraines.  BOO THE MIGRAINES.  I think that has to do with aging?  So says the literature  ;)

I've decided for no treatment.  We'll see how that works out for me.  Still in the back of my mind hoping to get pregnant again.  Not the IVF way though.  The monthly cycle of ups and downs with this wish are getting old too.  Too daunting.  Husband and I have decided by August...no baby, then, I'll consider some treatment and we'll stop trying.  My son will be 4 by then.  I'll be 35.  Not that either are a magical number.  Just need to have it for our mental sanity.

In the meantime, just really loving the life I have an enjoying everything we have.  Super grateful for our son.  He really just turns up everyday, every mood.  Even when he's being 3.  ;)  There's still reason to celebrate.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Depo Provera?

Talk to me about it.  Anyone?

This is what my surgeon is suggesting IF I want to try and suppress the endo for a while.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

It's 2015...

Since my last post, I got a referral to a GYN Oncologist, who was able to see me MUCH sooner than the Pelvic Health Center (that appt wasn't scheduled until MARCH!).  Thankfully I work at a cancer center.  I didn't know, but some of the surgeons in our GYN clinic take on endometriosis patients, and other, surgically challenging cases.  After reviewing my paperwork I was seen in early December and am tomorrow 3 weeks post-op.

First of all, let me say that it was BY FAR the BEST laparoscopy I've ever had.  When/if I need another, he's my guy!  He's a big shot, and, I can see why!  He knows his stuff!!!  I had little to no (yes, I said NO) pain afterwards (aside from the damned CO2 pain!!!).

I was slated for a 3 hour procedure but from what I know it was less than 1.5 hours.  When he first went in, he described to my husband "An extreme amount of blood and fluid" in my abdomen.  Awesome.  I'm assuming he cleaned that up (???)-Post op appt is tomorrow  ;)  My adhesions weren't as bad as he expected.  He removed my endometrioma, the adhesions he could see (a few on my colon), and called it a day.  He said he really was tempted to do a hysterectomy, but, knew it would have to be a total and was hesitant because of my age.  I would be ok with a partial at this point, but, I definitely need these (asshole) hormones around for a little while.  I've been through medically induced menopause before.  No THANK YOU!!!!  The world is not ready for that.  ;)

So, tomorrow is my post op appointment.  Not really sure there will be much to say.  I've got my list of questions.  We all know I have three options-get pregnant (because that's sooooo easy), IUD (b.c of my migraines, that's my only option as far as BC goes) or hysterectomy (see above).  So, here we go again with the waiting game.  Waiting game on how long will it be before I can't take it again or some growth has me back in the OR.  One can hope it'll be another 5 years.  By then I'll be 40, closer to menopause, and maybe more apt for total?  Who knows.

EFF you endo.  EFF you.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Waiting game

So, I sought after a new GYN.  Not sure that was a really good idea-don't really think these folks are any better that the old (at least the old ones were used to me), but, it did  bring about a repeat ultrasound where they detected a 3cm mass on my right ovary.  That damned right ovary.  This time they don't suspect an endometrioma, though because of it's characteristics (solid).  They say it's a dermoid.  (Look it up-SO GROSS!)  Only time will tell.

It needs to come out.  Thankfully.  I'm thankful because I'm tired of the growing nausea.  Tired of the swelling and tenderness.  Tired of the BLEEDING.  And, quite frankly, tired.

I asked for a referral to a new center we have here that specializes in "Pelvic Health" issues and surgeries since my surgical past was a little complicated.  It's like waiting to see if you get into graduate school!  ;)  My records have been sent and I'm waiting to see if I'll be "accepted" as a new patient.  I should hear sometime this week.  Fingers are crossed!!!

So, the waiting game begins.  Ready to get this monster out of me!!!

Monday, October 13, 2014

2nd opinion

Ok, so, after having my period again, with only 7 days between two...I have sought another opinion.  Of a FEMALE GYN.  So, I went on Friday.  Nothing new to report from that-she did an exam, ran some bloodwork (TSH, freeT4, etc-all normal) and today I am going in for a "Day 5" ultrasound to see if we can spot anything in there.  If nothing, I'll do a hysterosonography (aka, water ultrasound).  If that shows nothing, then, we are going to try a progesterone for a few days to STOP all bleeding.  Then, I'll stop the progesterone and HOPE that it "resets" everything.  If that doesn't help...we'll move foward with other options.

So, I'm feeling more hopeful today.  At least there is a plan and not so drastic options being laid out before me.

Fingers crossed!

Until then, I'm so thankful for this little blessing in our lives.  I can't even begin to describe how much he means to us and what I feel inside for this child.  A true miracle that lights up our lives in every way.  As much as I hate my insides, they did end up pulling through for me.  I gotta give my uterus some props for that, right (even if it did need a lot of assistance)?!?!?