Thursday, March 24, 2011
Things here are going well with here with his pregnancy. We are very thankful. Some days, though, I have my moments of sadness and doubt about it all. Today we hit another milestone. And, the way I reacted was not how I thought this day would be. After my ultrasound and talking with the OB today, we are going to start transitioning to more of a "normal" OB schedule (still with the cervical checks, sans the ultrasounds). Weird transitioning to more of that "normal" type of patient. I'm scared. I'm glad, but I'm scared. Terrified. I've also been thinking a lot lately about Wyatt. Had a good cry last night. I should be happier about this milestone...I think I'm more frightened maybe than anything. Who knows. Lots of emotions to process and sometimes it feels a little overwhelming. I mean, we are definitely happy. Maybe just a little scared of the unknown. Hell, who's not scared of that?
I'm not complaining at all. I know we are very fortunate and we are very appreciative for things so far! But, this journey of loss and grief still continue, and stumbling across this article...today after everything...helps me feel just a little more sane!!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Great new resource for the wonderful men in our lives who also deal with the affects of infertility...
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
As a witness to my own journey, I hope I can share a little reprieve and compassion with any person who is struggling with the decision to have a family in an unconventional way and to receive the support to do so. If you have to decide to have your child through IVF or surrogacy OR ADOPTION OR FOSTER CARE, or are going through it now after making the choice, I hope you know that there is nothing to be ashamed of at all. I acknowledge your strength in deciding that you have the right to parent.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Now, here we are in another beautiful pregnancy. 18 weeks. A whole day of being 18 weeks pregnant. This is something we've never encountered...from here on out it's unfamiliar territory. The weeks to our baby's arrival will soon be shorter than the number of weeks I am pregnant. So many wonderful things to look forward to. So far, so good.
I feel guilty, in a way. Guilty that my body couldn't do this for Wyatt. Guilty that I couldn't do anything to keep him safer. Just a little bit longer. I know I had NO control. I know that in my head. Sometimes my that hole in my heart feels differently. I know that things happened for a reason. Why? I have no idea. For a better appreciation of life and love? I don't know. I definitely do appreciate those things more. We both are appreciating many many things these days.
So, today we celebrated my body...God...life. There is still a little boy, our son, growing inside of me and getting stronger and stronger everyday. We are feeling blessed and hopeful and so very excited. The hope in our hearts grows deeper and deeper with every passing day. Every passing milestone. Excitement has begun to trump fear. Trump away!!!
We are looking ahead. One day at a time.